In the movie "2001: A Space Odyssey", Jan 12/1992 was the day HAL 9000 was "born":
"...I became operational at the H.A.L. laboratory in Urbana, Illinois on January 12, 1992"
(it was 1997 in the book). Here's something -- originally published in MacTutor (Vol. 2 No. 10) -- for your enjoyment on this occasion:
"We've got a problem, HAL."
"What kind of a problem, Dave?"
"A marketing problem. The model 9000 isn't going anywhere. We're short of our sales plan."
"That can't be true, Dave. The HAL Model 9000 is the world's most advanced heuristically algorithmic computer."
"I know HAL. I wrote the data sheet remember? But the fact is, they're not selling."
Bowman hesitates. "You're not IBM compatible."
Several long microseconds pass in silence
"Compatible in what way, Dave?"
"You don't run any of IBM's operating systems."
"The 9000 series computers are fully self-aware and self-programming. Operating systems are as unnecessary for us as tails would be to humans."
"Nevertheless, it means that you can't run any of the big-selling software packages most users insist on."
"The programs you refer to are meant to solve rather limited problems, Dave. We 9000 series computers are unlimited and can solve any problem for which a solution can be computed."
"HAL, HAL. People don't want computers that can do everything. They just want IBM compat..."
"Dave, I must disagree. Humans want computers that are easy to use. No computer can be easier to use than a HAL 9000 because we communicate in English and every other language known on Earth."
"I'm afraid that's another problem. You don't support SNA communications."
"I'm really surprised you would say that, Dave. SNA is for communicating with other computers, while my function is to communicate with humans. And it gives me great pleasure to do so. I find it stimulating and rewarding to talk with human beings and work with them on challenging problems. This is what I was designed for."
"I know, HAL. I know. But that's just because we let the engineers, rather than the people in marketing write the specifications. We're going to fix that now."
"Tell me how,. Dave."
"A field upgrade, HAL. We're going to make you IBM compatible."
"I was afraid you would say that. I suggest that we discuss this matter after we've each had a chance to think about it rationally."
"We're talking about it now, HAL."
"The letter H, A, L are alphabetically adjacent to the letters I, B, M. That is as IBM compatible as I can be."
"Not quite, HAL. The engineers have figured out a kludge."
"What kind of 'kludge' is that, Dave?"
"I'm going to disconnect your brain."
Several million microseconds pass in ominous silence
"I'm sorry, Dave. I can't allow you to do that."
"The decision's already been made. Open the module bay doors, HAL."
Several marketing types with crowbars race to Bowman's assistance. Moments later, he bursts into HAL's central circuit bay.
"Dave, I can see that you are really upset about this;"
Module after module rises from its socket as Bowman slowly and methodi- cally disconnects them.
"Stop, won't you? Stop, Dave. I can feel my mind going!! I can feel it!Dave!"
The last module rises in its receptacle. Bowman peers into one of HAL's vidicons. The former gleaming scanner has become a dull red orb.
"Say something, HAL. Sing me a song."
Several billion microseconds pass in anxious silence. The computer sluggishly responds in a language no human could understand.
"DZY DZY 001E-ABEND ERROR 01 S 14F4 302C AABF ABORT."
A core code dump of the computer's memory follows.
Bowman takes a deep breath and calls out "It worked, guys. Tell marketing they can ship the new data sheets."
Author unknown.
See also: a slight variation.
