A couple of weeks ago, I awoke early (too early) to the sound of my fire detector going off. This is not one of the things you ignore. Even though it was 5AM I raced downstairs to find what was on fire. Couldn't find anything. The damn detector is still ringing so finally I give up on trying to find the fire, and go get a chair so I can reach the fire detector to silence it.
I suddenly realized the source of the fire - the fire detector! It was actually smoldering (and UL listed at that), but in its final death throes it still went and sounded the alarm.
Relieved at finding the problem, I went to the kitchen to relax and make myself some tea. Gee, I wonder why the overhead lights are periodically dimming and brightening? Damn, the microwave didn't get the water hot at all. What's going on?
Then I realized that the refrigerator was madly cycling on and off. Looking inside, I discovered a lot of food not as cold as it should be. So I spent a lot of time disconnecting appliances from the wall, and when that doesn't fix the problem, flipping circuit breakers. No, I can't seem to isolate the problem. With the lights going up and down, and the refrigerator going berzerk, I was reminded of Poltergist.
Time to call the electric company. "No, we aren't doing anything to the lines near where you live. Go back to sleep and leave us alone."
At this point, I decided to call my dad (he teaches electronics) who suggests I measure the voltage of the AC line while the microwave is on. I get 85 volts. "Not good" he says. Call the electric company again and tell them this. They say, ok we'll send someone out.
Meanwhile my dad is having fun. He suggests measuring the voltage at the fuse box. So I take off the cover ("be careful" he says) to get at the two lines. One is 112 and the other, 131. I measure again with the microwave on: 85 and 150. At this point he says, well it might be a problem outside the house, but let's try another test. Turn on the dryer - this draws from both lines.
So I turn on the dryer and stick my hands back in the fusebox. Just at that moment, all the lights in the cellar (where I am) get very bright and then blow. So I'm standing there in pitch blackness with my hands in an open fusebox while perched on a ladder. Trying hard to keep my balance while gingerly removing my hands, I console myself with the thought that I did get the reading: 120 on both sides.
I go upstairs to call my dad back, but now find the kitchen filled with smoke. The microwave joined the light bulbs in electronic heaven. My dad apologizes but of course it isn't his fault. But he also suggests unplugging the vcr, tv, etc if they aren't already fried. Thanks, dad.
I called the electric co. again to find out when their guy is showing up, but they don't consider this much of an emergency, so it will be something like "after all your food spoils". That could mean only one thing. Yes, I'd better eat all the ice cream, cause it's gonna melt anyway. Good breakfast.
Late in the evening, a guy shows up and confirms that yes, the neutral has a fault in it. It is outside the house, so it is their problem. I have underground wire, and he isn't prepared to dig, so temporarily he just lays a big fat uninsulated cable across my lawn and driveway to my neighbors house (who keep saying him, "are you sure we aren't going to end up paying for his electricity?"). The repairman says the exposed wire is nothing to worry about, unless I happen to look in my rearview mirror and see my electric meter following me.
A week or so later, a crew comes by, digs up about 20 feet of land and repairs the problem (and comment "The guy who did the original installation must have been a moron"). With that, they leave and I go back into my house, to thank my dad for all his help, only to find out that the phone is dead.
Yes, they cut the phone while repairing the electricity. I called up the electric co. and they said call the phone co. If it turns out to be our problem, they'll send us a bill, but we don't touch their stuff. (Sure.)
So I called the phone company, to find out that, oh no, they're on strike. (Yeah, this was a couple of months ago during the national strike.) Nonetheless, some scab-manager-type shows up two weeks later and fixes my phone. Much to my amazement.
I walk back in my house, looking to see what new problems await me, but all appears calm. Well, it's only been a month getting these problems fixed.
I couldn't find a replacement fire detector that matched the line- voltage ones I had, but after this experience I'm not so sure AC detectors are such a great thing.
Since then, I discovered a few other electric devices blown. The electric co. promised to pay for it all including two weeks phone service, but oddly, everything turned out to very cheap to repair. For example, GE fixed my microwave for free under warrantee (which doesn't make any sense since I've had it for over two years, but I'm not about to argue).
I was almost depressed that they were getting away with paying so little for all the grief they caused me. But then they promised to pay for the food spoiled, too. Now, how much did I pay for the drum of Beluga?
Author: Don Libes, Oct/17/1989
