There once was a man who, for the purposes of a clan- destine scientific experiment, was cloned at an early age, producing a virtually identical copy of himself. The two children were separated at "birth" and, consequently, grew up with very different personalities. The original was an upright pillar of the community, attending all civic func- tions, and, in general, promoting decency within his home town. His double, however, was a h___ raiser, spending his nights bar hopping, chasing women, and generally having a rowdy time. However, since the scientific experiment was (naturally) outlawed for reasons of ethics, both persons had the same identity -- the same social security number, the same driver's license number, etc. As far as the state was concerned, only one person existed.
Now the original knew his clone, and one of the clone's particularly annoying traits was his tendency to use four letter words. The clone had an absolutely filthy mouth. Needless to say, this caused much confusion, as the man would often be reminded of his clone's existence by comments like, "Was that YOU I saw spewing forth ugly words last night?" It seemed to him that he was in a constant state of embarrassment, and that his reputation was being slowly eroded by the shenanigans of his counterpart. As a city father, he couldn't reveal the presence of his rather unorthodox twin (what would people say?), and he couldn't very well lie about the origins of the pseudo-self, as he knew that maintaining a lie is arduous work, and eventually leads to downfall. After much thought, he decided that the only possible course of action would be to kill his clone.
But how? It would not do for him to alleviate his problem only to end up cooling his heels for twenty years in a prison cell. No, the method must get rid of his double without the possibility of legal complications.
Finally, he came up with a plan. If he could kill the clone in a way which would leave him identifiable as him- self, no one could accuse the original of the murder; it is difficult to be convicted of successfully killing one's self. Naturally, this would mean that he would have to disappear and assume a new identity, but at least he would not have to live the rest of his life being constantly mis- taken for a gutter-mouthed tramp, when he really was a very nice person. He decided to push his clone off the roof of a building, and then move to Canada.
Carefully he planned out his exact movements: getting the clone to the top of the building, maneuvering him near the edge, and, finally, ending the life of the offending double. The man spent weeks, and when his preparations were complete, he implemented the actions, which worked precisely as intended. He got the clone to the roof, and as they neared the edge, he pushed the man off. The clone fell fifty feet to his death.
Unfortunately, a policeman (who, true to form, was around when needed least) happened to be on the roof, and witnessed the entire scene. Quickly, he ran to the man and started to place him under arrest for murder. The man, how- ever, pointed out that the person he had murdered was him- self, and explained the whole situation to the police off- icer. The officer looked down, realizing that the story was true.
"I'm still placing you under arrest" said the police officer, unperturbed.
"On what charge?" asked the man.
The police officer replied,
(several screenfuls of annoying blank lines)
"For making an OBSCENE CLONE FALL."
Author unknown.
