In article <28175@skye.dcs.ed.ac.uk> pwg@dcs.ed.ac.uk (Paul Goldberg) writes:
>By popular demand (thanks bandy) the Olympic bungee-jumping event is >depicted below. > > ____/A\_ > ___,---' |X| `-_ > ___,---' |X| `--__ > __'____________________|X|_________`__________ > /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ > O------------------------------------------------ > | : : : |X| : [__] > | : : : |X| : > | : : _o_ |X| : "Ouch!" > | _o_ : A |X| _o_ > | A : |X| A ~ > | V |X| ~~~ > | -O- |X| SS~~ > | |X| SSS S > /\ |X| SS SS > / \ |X| ======= > file |X| \ / __ >This signature under construction |X| \ / __|1|-- >----------------------------------------------------V------|3 2|---
Well, this picture is definitely splendiferous from an artistic standpoint, but it has a few minor technical shortcomings.
"Paul's Urban Crane Bungee! Paul's Urban Crane Bungee! Step right up! Only #50 a ride! You there. Yes, you. Do you want to bungee?"
"Uh, yes, sir, I'd like that."
"Well, hey, we're here to satisfy your dreams! Step right up! Got #50?"
"Uh, no sir."
"Yer bleedin' punk. Who d'yer think y'are, anyhow? The bleedin' Prince of bleedin' Wales?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-SPPPLAT."
"Shit. That's too bad. Looks like the poor guy forgot to strap on his bungee cord. But not to worry, folks! A genuine Paul's Urban Crane Bungee Dive is PERFECTLY SAFE! Step right up, folks, step right up!"
"I'll try it. Here, Louise, hold my briefcase. Okay, mister, I'll give you #25 up front and #25 when I get back okay."
"Sorry, sir, can't do it, I need the full #50 right now or no go."
"Oh, all right, here."
"Thank you very much sir, now here's your reinforced titanium-steel guaranteed ninety days or two hundred kilos genuine bungee collar with attached cord clip size large put it on tight please and make sure it fits all snug and comfy."
"What, then, on me neck?"
"'Course it goes on yer bleedin' neck! Don't ye know the first bleedin' thing about bungee jumpin? I'll thank ye to leave the riggin' to the expert, then."
"I don't know about this."
"'Course ye don't know about it! Yer just another cotton-headed posher, roight? Can't expect ye to know anything about the real world, can I? Now get on with it, we have people waiting."
"Oh, all right."
"Good! Good! My you're a bright little one, aren't ye, ye bleedin' little posher. Now sign this paper and off ye go."
"Hmm. What's all this mean, exactly?"
"Wot? Y'can read, can't ye? Oh, no, that _is_ a genuine Eton tie you're wearing, of course sir, his little lordship went to a public school(*) then didn't he, dear me I _am_ sorry sir. Perfectly honest mistake. Well what it says is all liabilities disclaimed all torts void all rights reserved and if your family even so much as mentions suing we get your house your car your wife your kids and ship them off to slavery in Surinam all perfectly normal conditions of doing business today and I _am_ sorry we have to be so legalistic but them's the rules you see, now just sign the paper and we'll be off, here I'll even hold your hand while you push the pen, that's it, there we go, now quit yawping and thrashing like that, you did want to go bungee jumping didn't you, hold still for a moment while I clip the cord on, _very_ good sir, now off we go and have a nice ride!"
"Uh oh, he seems to be hanging a bit limp there but everything's perfectly all right, he's only fainted, it happens all the time and fortunately I have the appropriate tools, everything is all right, we just have to cut him down and give him some fresh air and Tony would you hand me that broadsword please aye there we go that's a good lad."
"Come on then, don't scatter like that, catch the g-"
"Ah, hell. Well he was just another bleedin' Tory posher anyhow. NEXT!"
(*) - a British "public school" == a Merkin private school but much more posh.
Author unknown.
