Well, I hear that there was this beach which was plagued by gulls. It seemed that every spare square inch of beach was festooned by at least one of the raucous creatures. Needless to say, this was a problem, especially since the people were staying away in droves, instead of coming in them. Now, this might not seem to you to be such a problem, but then, you aren't one of the business people of the town that served the beach; they found it intolerable.
Indeed, an emergency meeting of the Town Council was called to handle this problem. Long into the night they debated the problem and finally created an one-man subcommittee to investigate and solve the nightmare. "Find," they said, "and implement a solution to this epidemic of gulls! Spare no expense, just do it!"
Well, a more knotty problem has man never faced but our dauntless subcommittee forged ahead. Plan after plan was drafted, tested and discarded. Plan after plan failed to alleviate the situation. Finally, after months of failure, a plan was conceived, a plan which would work, a plan which was easily done! Much excitement was engendered by the plan and the whole town was involved in the project.
Early the next morning the entire town gathered at the beach, each person carrying a pail full of gravel. In restless anticipation they waited for the signal. It came! The signal came, and the air was filled with rock as each person took sight on some unsuspecting gull and hurled rocks at it with undisguised joy. Soon only dead gulls were left on the beach.
Yes, the could proudly say that they had left no tern unstoned.
But, alas, they found that (in Ontario at least) gulls are a protected species and that a repeat of this successful attack would result in prosecution and who knows what other unexpected retributions. Well, something had to be done, and so a small force of unhallowed citizens came into being. This force was given the task of keeping the beach clear. Each was given a small can of spray paint (water soluable so the gulls would not be marred for life) and told to spray any gull which showed any inclination to land on the beach. So out they went, to boldly go where no man had gone before, to leave no stern untoned.
Author unknown.
