This is a collection of taglines (one-liners), selected from the huge database at www.taglinesgalore.com.

H * H H H H Tribble Olympics: Hurdles

HAL 9000, you're pretty drunk aren't you Dave?

HAL 9000: Dave, put down those Windows disks. Dave. DAVE NO!!!

HAL, we're going to make you IBM compatible.

HAL: Dave, put down those Windows disks. Dave. Da...

HANGING: An early form of bungee jumping, practiced in the old west.

HARDWARE: n. The part you kick.

HEADLINE: DEFENDANT'S SPEECH ENDS IN LONG SENTENCE

HEADLINE: KILLER SENTENCED TO DIE FOR SECOND TIME IN 10 YEARS

HEADLINE: MAN HELD IN MIAMI AFTER SHOOTING BEE

HEADLINE: NUNS DROP SUIT; BISHOPS AGREE TO AID THEM

HEADLINE: QUARTER OF A MILLION CHINESE LIVE ON WATER

HEADLINE: SAFETY EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS SHOULD BE BELTED

HELL (n): Backing up a gigabyte HD with 360k floppies.

HELL HAS FROZEN OVER!!! (It snowed at school today.)

HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed! --Monty Python, The Holy Grail

HELP! It's dark in here... Oh, my eyes were closed - sorry

HEY DOG! Don't bite that! ...*BZZZT*... NO TERRIER

HLVB: Hasta la Vista, Baby!

HOTELS: A place where traveling humans are parked at night. (Wings)

HOW TO BEAT STRESS: Bill your doctor for time spent in waiting room.

HOW TO BEAT STRESS: Drive to work in reverse.

HOW TO BEAT STRESS: Make up a language and ask people for directions.

HOW TO HANDLE STRESS: Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa.

HTML...Hates The Mentally Lame

HTML...Help The Monster Learn

Habits are at first cobwebs, then cables.

Hack first, ask questions later.

Hack, hack, hack, hack, eat, sleep. Hack, Hack...

Hacker (v.) (1993): See "Bobbitt, Lorena."

Hacker's tombstone: CONNECT 1964 - NO CARRIER 1994

Hacker: Exceptional programmer. Webster's 9th., 1991

Hackers 1369 AD: Vandal breaks down door with axe.

Hackers, call 1-800-NO CARRIER for the carrier dropper from the experts.

Hackito ergo sum.

Had supernatural powers, I tried Windows... Now I'm 1st level again.

Hail Caesar! We who are about to dine salad you.

Hailing frequencies open, Captain.

Hal, open the pod bay doors or else I'll run MS Windows!

Halbleiter: Halbzeit Chef.

Half of conversation is listening.

Half the truth is often a great lie. --Benjamin Franklin.

Hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment.

Hanging: The Beta Test version of bungee jumping.

Hansen's Library Axiom: The closest library doesn't have the material you need.

Happiness is (deleted for your protection).

Happiness is a computer without Windows!

Happiness is a warm puppy, said the anaconda.

Happiness is a warp drive and six-pack of Romulan ale.

Happiness is having all Star Trek episodes on videotape.

Happiness is usually measured in GigaBytes.

Happiness: A warm modem and a high CPS count.

Happy couple: A deaf husband and a blind wife.

Happy people must know something we don't. --Garfield

Hard disk parking: .10/mb for the 1st 2 hrs; all day=$25

Hardware too soft

Hardware: The part you [k]lick.

Harmlessly Cruising Cyber-Space At Slightly Less Than Light Speed! ...

Has Wesley been playing with the engines again? --Geordi

Has a room temperature IQ.

Has an IQ of 2, and it takes 3 to grunt.

Has anyone ever told you that you're VERY cute for a Minbari? --Londo.

Has anyone noticed that "Daylight Saving" is an oxymoron?

Has anyone seen Schrodinger's cat?

Has anyone seen my lost carrier?

Has anyone wondered where "joystick" originated? Or am I just a perv?

Has this ever happened before? --Sheridan. Once. --Kosh.

Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

Has two neurons, and they don't synapse.

Hasta la vista ..... baby! --Arnold Schwarzenegger

Hate your life? Don't worry, it will eventually go away by itself.

Have I died and gone to Disneyland? --Spaceballs

Have I found God? What, did you lose him AGAIN?

Have YOU erased YOUR copy of Windows today?

Have You Hugged A Crystal Entity Today?

Have a good Christmas and a merry New Year

Have a good day... if possible!

Have a good day... unless you've other plans.

Have an adequate day.

Have another @[]~ (cup of coffee)

Have cursor, will curse.

Have fun filling out tax forms: use Roman Numerals.

Have fun with a Klingon. Put tribbles in his shorts.

Have fun, don't get caught.

Have subspace modem, will telecommunicate.

Have the boy sent to the bridge. --Picard

Have time to waste? Install MS-Windows!

Have you been coordinating with alien governments? --Hague.

Have you come to play Jesus to the lepers in your head? --U2

Have you considered suicide this week?

Have you cooked a Tribble today? Fried?? Baked??? FLAMBE???

Have you crashed Windows today? If not, it wont be long.

Have you ever considered suicide? I think you'd like it

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Have you ever had sex from 300 miles away, You will! --AT&T

Have you ever killed 500 men just to make a point? Milosevic did.

Have you ever seen a dead man before? --Gul Dukat

Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem? (did it make sense?) --Purity Test

Have you ever visited America? Your English is quite good!

Have you ever wished you could download a pizza?

Have you ever wondered what a female cat calls her reproductive organ?

Have you flogged your crew today?

Have you hugged Worf today (and survived)?

Have you hugged a lesbian today (and survived)?

Have you hugged your tribble today?

Have you met Fortune's daughter? Miss Fortune!

Have you noticed how much Ross Perot resembles a Ferengi?

Have you played T.A.G. lately?

Have you reached out and flamed someone today??

Have you written your own windows device driver ... in Assembly?

Having Email doesn't mean you're "On the Internet."

Having Windows problems? Dial 1-800-USE-UNIX for fast relief!

Having a Sidewinder means never having to say "I'M SORRY!".

Having bad feelings about this...

Having bad feelings about this

Having found Truth, I search for Fantasy.

Having ovaries does not automatically make you a nice person.

He *really* needs a girlfriend.

He Reality-ometer: E[\........]F Hmmph! Thought so...

He ain't dead; he's electroencephalographically challenged.

He can speak French; and therefore he is a traitor. --Shakespeare

He can't be dead, Jim. That'd mean the end of the series.

He did too much LDS in the 60's. --Kirk to Gillian

He died of lead poisoning... high velocity lead poisoning.

He forgot to pay his brain bill.

He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

He has his solar panels aimed at the moon.

He has no self-control. His wife has it.

He has some bugs in his software.

He has the heart of a little child... it's in a jar on his desk.

He has zero K memory

He hasn't an enemy in the world. Only his friends hate him. --Gene Kelly

He is diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

He is the Keeper of the Bridge of Death! --Arthur.

He started dying on his own. --G'Kar

He that fights and runs away will live to fight another day.

He that increases knowledge increases sorrow.

He was ordered to put down his weapon, he refused! --Sheridan

He was such a meanie, I cut off his wienie. --Lorena Bobbitt

He was the most... human --Kirk

He who controls the spice controls the universe! (Dune)

He who gazed upon the naked UNIX prompt and lived.

He who gives up freedom for security deserves neither. --Franklin.

He who goes unarmed in paradise had better be sure that's where he is.

He who hesitates at the wrong time is lunch for a shark.

He who hesitates, follows the Prime Directive.

He who is a judge between 2 friends loses one of them

He who is ashamed of asking is afraid of learning.

He who is flogged by fate and laughs the louder is a masochist.

He who laughs at a Klingon, never laughs again.

He who laughs last didn't get the joke.

He who laughs last is S-L-O-W.

He who laughs last is probably not using Windows.

He who laughs last must have been waiting for Windows to load.

He who lives by the mouse, dies by the cursor.

He who loves government has never been on the wrong side of it.

He who opens a school door closes a prison. --Victor Hugo

He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!

He who reads is never alone.

He who says it can't be done shouldn't interrupt the one doing it.

He who shits on the road will meet flies on his return. --South African Saying

He will confess when he comes to trial. --Na'Toth

He will join us, or die, master. --Darth Vader

He would be recognized. --Delenn By whom? --Sheridan Everyone--Kosh

He's (Garibaldi) agnostic --DR. Then I'll say half a prayer --Ivanova

He's Dead, Jim! You get his Tricorder, I'll grab his wallet!

He's SO stupid, he took a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.

He's Teflon brain (nothing sticks).

He's a Democrat because he's too poor to be Republican.

He's a cockroach; you think you kill him, he pops up someplace else!

He's a tried and valiant soldier. So is my horse. --Shakespeare

He's alive Jim, should I shoot him again?

He's an environmentalist... his arguments are 100% recycled.

He's an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

He's as clumsy as he is stupid. --Darth Vader

He's braindead, Jim.

He's dead Jim! Get his phaser and I'll grab his wallet.

He's dead Jim... lets eat him.

He's dead, Jim. Damn it, Bones! He owed me money!

He's dead, Jim. Kick him if you don't believe me.

He's dead, Jim. No wait, he's alive. No, wait.. Now he's dead..

He's dead, Jim.

He's fighting fire with fire and flirting with death.

He's going to pull us all apart. --Luke Skywalker

He's got Van Gogh's ear for music.

He's got bubbles in his think tank.

He's got to follow his own path. No one can choose it for him. --Leia

He's hiding something! --Sheridan. Of course he is. --Garibaldi.

He's more human than the human contingent on the station. --Londo.

He's my father, Leia. --Luke Skywalker

He's not afraid to get married, he's avoiding domestic incarceration.

He's not telling us everything. --Garibaldi.

He's okay, Y'Majesty. The spikes on the dragon's tail broke his fall.

He's on his last lap around the gene pool.

He's one bit short of a byte.

He's paged-out.

He's sending back packets, but the check sums are wrong.

He's skating on the wrong side of the ice.

He's so...human. --Saavik. Nobody's perfect. --Spock

He, experts! What about reading the documents?

He: Baby, drinking makes you beautiful. She: I don't drink. He: I do.

Head Crash: Falling asleep at the keyboard

Head-hunters *never* come at a good time --Mike Nelson

Headline: Ants Take A Long Time To Cook In Microwave.

Headline: Bachelors Prefer Beauty To Brains In Their Wives

Headline: Bomb hit by library

Headline: CIA SECRET: Proof of P=NP found in UFO!

Headline: Circumcisions Cut Back

Headline: Coal Miners Refuse To Work After Death.

Headline: Court Rules That Being A Jerk Is Not A Crime.

Headline: Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing

Headline: Deafmute complains 911 didn't answer.

Headline: Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation

Headline: EXCLUSIVE PHOTO: Turing machine with two heads!

Headline: Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax.

Headline: Experts Are Sure The Dow Will Either Rise Or Decline.

Headline: Fight Erupts at World Peace Conference

Headline: Hostage Taker Kills Self. Police Shoot Each Other

Headline: Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years.

Headline: LAWYERS GIVE POOR FREE LEGAL ADVISE

Headline: Man Shot Twice in Head, Gets Mad!

Headline: Never withhold herpes from loved one

Headline: Nuclear Winter may not be so bad

Headline: OS SCANDAL: Unix and Ms. Dos found in love nest!

Headline: Officer Convicted Of Accepting Bride

Headline: PSYCHIC PREDICTS: Fixed points will break again!

Headline: Prisoners Escape From Prison Farm After Execution

Headline: REVELATION: Top scientist discovers New Jersey on Karnaugh map

Headline: SHOCKING EXPOSE: Illegal core dumping in Lake Erie!

Headline: Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted.

Headline: Serbia Sets Goal To Wipe Out Literacy (among Kosovo-Albanians)

Headline: Shortage of Brains Slows Medical Research

Headline: Smaller Families Require Less Food

Headline: Snake Bites Lawyer And Dies

Headline: Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Headline: TEENAGE PROSTITUTES SPREADING NATIONWIDE

Headline: TRUE STORY: Man inverts singular matrix and lives to tell!

Headline: Teacher Dies; Board Accepts His Resignation.

Headline: Thieves Steal Burglar Alarm.

Headline: Wanted: Women To Test New Condom.

Headline: Woman Born Feb. 29 Has Baby Same Day

Heal the past, live the present, dream the future.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which you can die.

Healthcare Virus: Tests system, finds nothing wrong, bills you $4,500.

Healthy Choice: 1/2 the fat and none of the taste.

Healthy Trekkers work out at the He's Dead Gym.

Hear instruction, and be wise, and refuse it not. (PRO 8:33)

Hear no email. See no email. Speak no email.

Hear no evil, speak no evil, C:\NOEVIL

Hear the impossible then do it.

Hear the piercing cries of all who found that Hell awaits!

Hear twice before you speak once.

Heard at Lorena's trial: "Mr. Bobbitt, would you please rise."

Heard on Noah's ark: Sailing is fun, but scrubbing decks is aardvark.

Heared about the baby born with both sexes? It had a vagina and a brain!

Hearts will never be practical 'til they're unbreakable.

Heat this up G'Kar and you won't have a planet left to protect --Londo

Heaven Don't Want Me And Hell Kicked Me Out...

Heaven hath no spam...

Heaven's Just A Sin Away...

Heavy petting leads to a happy puppy.

Heavy, adj.: Seduced by the chocolate side of the Force.

Hehehmhmhehmhehmhehm, 2400 baud SUCKS! --Beavis and Butthead.

Height of Unemployment: Cobwebs growing around the crack of a whore.

Heinlein's alive and still writing in a parallel time line.

Heisenberg Air: We're lost, but we're making good time!

Heisenberg may or may not have slept here.

Heisenberg might have been here.

Heisenberg of Borg: "You might be assimilated."

Heisenberg on the Pentium: "Two plus two *might* equal four..."

Heisenberg slept here, unless you look, in which case not

Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle rules. Probably.

Helicopters don't fly, they vibrate so badly the earth rejects them.

Helicopters: 25,000 parts flying in close formation.

Hell is being locked forever in a room with your friends!

Hell is empty, and all the devils are here. --Shakespeare

Hell is full. The damned are now working in Tech Support.

Hell is truth seen too late.

Hell: Warm beer on a summer night.

Hello Computer?!?! --Scotty

Hello I love you won't you tell me your name? --Jim Morrison

Hello Peg. Hello PegLeg. --Al Bundy

Hello World! 17 Errors, 31 Warnings....

Hello unidentified ship, this is Babylon 5. I am Captain Janeway...

Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!

Hello, 000.. if you are reporting a murder, press 1....

Hello, I am protoplasm-unit number.

Hello, I'm writing a telephone book. May I have your number... please?

Hello, Microsoft service...can you hold for a few hours?

Hello, Operator? Give me the number for 911.

Hello, Suicide Hotline, Please Hold..

Hello, fellow telepaths. You're fine; how am I?

Hello, old friend, its been a while --Ambassador Jeffrey Sinclair

Hello, old friend. --Picard (to any Starfleet admiral)

Hello, what a nice little pussy, will you follow me home?

Hello. My name is Oedipus. You are my father. Prepare to die.

Hello? What's this? --Bilbo Baggins

Helmsman, engage the 3.5'' warp drive!

Help fight truth decay.

Help me Obi Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope. --Leia

Help me! Help me! the mouse is out of control

Help me! My mail packet's so big I can't get it out of the mailbox!

Help stop organized crime: Kill a cop.

Help stop plate tectonics.

Help support helpless victims of computer error.

Help! Help! The paranoids are after me!

Help! I hit the power switch and it didn't die

Help! I installed Windows and my Pentium turned into an 8088!

Help! I need 911 but I can't find the eleven on the dial!

Help! I'm a prisoner in a tagline factory!

Help! I'm in deep, deep tribble! --Kirk

Help! I'm parked diagonally in a parallel universe.

Help! I'm parked parallel in a diagonal universe.

Help! I'm stuck in Virtual Unreality!

Help! I'm trapped at 0D1C:01DA.

Help! I've been possessed by a UNIX daemon!

Help! I've fallen and... Hey! nice carpet!

Help! My DOS.... DOSn't!

Help! My communications protocol is crashing!

Help! My computer's caught Windows!

Help! My new TWIT filter won't let me log back on!

Help! The tribble Taglines are multiplying!

Help, I'm in overdraft at the Credibility bank....

Help, we've been pulled into the Delta Quadrant and we can't get back.

Hep me Rhonda, hep hep me Rhonda (Redneck Version)

Her antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

Her baby-blue eyes had warning signs, that woman is bad to the bone.

Her eyes were a shade between onyx and miscalculation.

Her eyes were cobalt red, her voice was cobalt blue.

Her eyes were cold and harsh, which made them tough to chew.

Her kiss was warm and soft as vomit on a summer sidewalk.

Her kisses left something to be desired... the rest of her.

Her mere presence causes parity errors, power fails, and head crashes.

Her modem lights are on but there's no carrier.

Her most secret fantasy: Having Two Men (One cooking the other cleaning).

Her name is the `White Star', and she is yours, Captain. --Delenn

Here Borgy! Here Borgy! Nice Borgy! Want some Windows?

Here FIDO, have a few more bytes of this!

Here Fido! Here Fido! Good Net.

Here Pussy, Pussy..... Whack.....

Here We Are, Born to be Kings --Queen

Here at Intel, quality is Job 0.99708527.

Here at Phillips Petroleum, we are working to replace nature.

Here lies Madonna. Necrophiliacs welcome.

Here lies an honest lawyer, And that is Strange.

Here lies the common man. Taxed to death.

Here we are, born to be kings, we're the princes of the universe...

Here we are, victims of mathematics.

Here we go again all the way from the start.

Here! Stick this fish in your ear! --Douglas Adams

Here's a Token Ring of our inter-connectivity.

Here's a challenge, though, for those more masochistic than I... -Zef

Here's a letter for you -=BANG=- Oops...guess it's a dead.letter

Here's a quarter, Call 1-800-CRY-BABY!

Here's a quarter. Call someone who cares.

Here's some information on the sun... IT'S HOT! --Airplane II

Here's the information you asked for. --Garibaldi.

Here's the trouble: A loose nut at the keyboard!

Here's to the kisses I've snatched....................and visa versa

Here, you go first, you're immune to bullets.

Heredity is important: We should be careful in choosing our grandparents

Heredity: If your parents had no kids, you won't either.

Heroes Of The Australian Resistance During World War II

Hewlett Packard = HP = High Prices.

Hex Dump: Where witches put used spells.

Hex math would be easier if I had 16 fingers.

Hexcalibur, the sword of hackers. O--+-0123456789ABCDEF--

Hey Billy, are you sure they wrote Windoze in Basic?

Hey Captain, I just created a black hole -=p!%$/ NO CRUSHER!

Hey Cinderella, does the show fit you now?

Hey God! It's not funny anymore! I want my rib back!

Hey Santa! How much for your list of naughty girls?

Hey security, we have another guy with a changeling net. --Garibaldi.

Hey! That's MY opinion! Put it back or I'll shoot!

Hey! This Really Works!

Hey! You're not permitted in there! It's restricted! --C3PO

Hey, Fido! Look out for that truc @#$% NO TERRIER

Hey, I ran Windows the other day, and it didn't crash!

Hey, I saw your picture on the wall in Odo's office!

Hey, It's only money!

Hey, Luke... may the Force be with you. --Han Solo

Hey, Spock... pull my finger.

Hey, Worf! Eat any good books lately?

Hey, don't flame me! I'm running this system.

Hey, don't worry about exiting the program, Windows does it for you.

Hey, someone peed in my gene pool!

Hey, spank your monkey all you want, but keep your hands off mine!

Hey, we're out of wine, women, and song*&^%NO MERRIER

Hey, what does this button do... @#$@!$@NO CRUSHER

Hey, where do I get my Tourist shooting license?

Hey, where'd my fonts go?$@#% NO COURIER

Hi Jefferson! How's your husband? --Al Bundy

Hi ho it's Kermit the Borg here. Sesame Street will be assimilated.

Hi! My name is Borg. How may I assimilate you!

Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF in your CONFIG.SYS

Hide and shriek

Hide your women! The Mongols are coming!

Hiding from the Turing Police

Hiding from the millions of randy women after me!

Hieroglyphics: the original GUI.

High message: 953267 Message last read: 2 (Uh-oh!)

High speed computer is a computer dropped from the CNN Tower.

Higher Brain malfunction due to lack of sleep and coffee.

Higher education isn't proof against greater stupidities.

Higher than a hippy the 3rd day of an open air festival. --Kryten.

Higher versions mean more bugs found...

Highlander of Borg: "There can be only one Assimilator..."

Hillary Clinton of Borg: Prepare to have your salary assimilated!

Hillary Clinton slept her way to the top.

Hillary is the ed(1) of Presidents, Bill is cat - >/dev/null

Hillary of Borg: Your health will be assimilated.

Hindenborg: "Hydrogen is irrelevant... BOOM!... oops, guess not..."

Hinduism: This shit happened before.

Hire a teenager while they still know it all.

His bioelectric patterns are in a state of temporal flux. --Data

His brain is two months past the expiry date.

His eyes are so bad, he has to wear contact lenses to see his glasses.

His liberty is full of threats to all. --Hamlet

His overconfidence will be the death of him. --Kor.

His quantum waves have collapsed to death, Jim.

His reality check just bounced.

His response is unknown, and probably unprintable.

His signal-to-noise ratio is epsilon.

His wife was a brunette. He had married a blonde, but then she dyed.

History is a lie commonly agreed upon. --Nietzsche

History is written by the whiners!

History never repeats itself. At best it sometimes rhymes.

History repeats itself. Just nobody listens!

History tends to exaggerate. --Col. Green

Hitchhiker's Guide - "Cheaper than the 'Encyclopedia Galactica'."

Hitler became Moderator of Germany in 1933. --Title incorrect.

Hitler started with gun control, too!

Hitler: 6,000,000; Stalin: 25,000,000; Christianity: 50,000,000

Hmph! Seriousness! Sobriety! A Jedi craves not these! --Yoda

Hmph. Saviors. Forgiveness. A Jedi craves them not.

Hobbes: What horrors we visit upon ourselves in the name of science.

Hobbits do it in a hole on the side of a hill.

Hobbits network with Tolkien Ring adapters

Hobbitses. . . They steals our taglines. . . preciousssss. . .

Hocus Pocus' doesn't work anymore; I think they changed the password.

Hokey Pokey, it doesn't mean A THING!?!?!? --Londo to Delenn.

Hold a hard drive to your ear. Listen to the C:

Hold back the Secrets, Take back the Memories...

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour.

Holding a trident and a sword, a perfect lotus and a pot of honey.

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom.

Hollywood: Where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.

Holodeck Computer: End Clinton Program!

Holodeck designed by TARDIS Inc.

Holodeck misfunction detected. Terminate REALITY.EXE? Y/N

Holodeck, run program "Kill_Wesley_One".

Holographic polticians: better than the real ones!

Home for diplomats, hustlers, entrepreneurs and wanderers. --Babylon 5.

Home is behind, the world ahead, and there are many paths to tread.

Home is the place where you get treated best and complain the most.

Home is where the Military sends us!!!!

Home is where the computer is plugged in!

Home of Doberman Propulsion Laboratories: The ultimate in watchdog weaponry.

Home of the Liberty Bell: Phil A. Delphia

Home of the virgin pines and the tall girls!

Home's where you can scratch where it itches. --Garfield

Homework time limit exceeded. Auto logon in effect!

Homo sapiens. The greatest oxymoron ever!

Honest Officer, my SocioEconomic background made me do it!

Honesty is good policy but bad for your career.

Honesty pays, but not enough for some.

Honesty's the best policy but insanity's a better defense.

Honey, I'll Be Taking A Shower While WINDOWS Loads !

Honey, get out the whips and chains. We've got company!

Honey, it's just a machine, now put the axe away.

Honey, the preacher's sick*&!^!^&% NO MARRIER

Honeymoon: The time between "I do" and "You'd better!"

Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window.

Honk if your horn is broken.

Honour women, for they are our future today.

Hooker with a PhD in psychology ... she will blow your mind

Hope clouds observation.

Hope is merely disappointment deferred

Hope springs eternal.....and so does a wife's memory....

Hope that helps...

Hope this works for you.

Horngren's Observation: (generalized) The real world is a special case.

Horribly stuffed with taglines of war. --Tagspeare

Horta: NO KILL I.

Hospitals: Where most people die!

Host System Not Responding, Probably Down. Do you want to wait? (Y/N)

House rules. I'm very sorry. Have a nice day. --Quark

House? The computer room is attached to a house? Wow!

Housebroken tribble: |_*_|

Houseguests, like fish, stink after the third day.

How Dare You Ask Questions Without Having RTFM???

How I found the Goddess and what I did to her when I found her.

How To Paralyze A Woman From The Waist Down...Marry Her

How To Steal A $1,000,000 NanoBucks...Email: Unahacker@anonymous.net

How a blonde becomes more intelligent: dyes her hair Brunette.

How about Barclay as director of the Ministry of Silly Walks?

How about you buy me a water? --Garibaldi

How an engineer writes a program: Start by debugging an empty file...

How blind are those who refuse to see?

How can I backup my hard drive? I can't find it's *!@$ reverse switch!

How can a chemical substance provide an escape? --Wesley

How can such a large computer do so little?

How can you make a spacesuit look like evening wear?

How can you respect a machine controlled by a mouse?

How clever Worf! Eat any good books lately? --Q

How come "Call Waiting" doesn't?

How come DOS never says "excellent command or file name"?

How come FLAMMABLE and INFLAMMABLE mean the same thing?

How come I see so many blondes who die their roots black?

How come OUR automatic doors are quieter than Enterprise?

How come a 10-year old kid finds a dope pusher and the FBI can't?

How come a house burns up at the same time it burns down?

How come the AT&T Logo looks like the Death Star?

How come the Death Star looks like the AT&T logo?

How come there aren't any Air Force-Marine surplus stores?

How come there's no F1 on my remote control?

How could something so small, bite so hard?

How did a fool and his money get together anyway?

How did the "Keep off the Grass" sign get in the yard?

How do Marine braincells die? Ha, no such thing!

How do blonde brain cells die? Alone.

How do they get Teflon to stick to the pan?

How do you copy? Over. With a Xerox machine. You?

How do you dog-ear an electronic book?

How do you drown a blonde? Put a mirror on the bottom of the pool.

How do you explain school to a higher intelligence? --Elliot, "E.T."

How do you feel? --Computer to Spock

How do you get Schrodinger's Cat _into_ the box?

How do you know Clinton is lying? His lips are moving...

How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?

How do you know you are not immortal until you die.

How do you make a quick skeleton? Put a leper in a wind tunnel.

How do you plant seedless grapes?!

How do you stick stamps on e-mail?

How do you tune a fish?

How do you want me to prove my mortality. --Q. Die. --Worf.

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

How does Teflon stick to pans?

How does a Warp engine work? ... You say, Engage..

How does a bankruptcy lawyer expect to be paid?

How does a blonde interpret 6.9? 69 interrupted by a period.

How does one expect the unexpected?

How does one go about obtaining a "cluttered mind", anyway? :-)

How does the Warp Drive work? You say, "Engage"

How else can I keep my reputation as a miracle worker? --Scotty

How fitting the Bible refers to christians as sheep.

How fortunate for rulers, that men do not think. --Adolph Hitler.

How is this for diplomacy----Shoot them all! --Kirk

How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.

How long before we're as dumb as computers?

How long is a short story?

How long will a floating point operation float?

How long will a man lie in space ere he rot? Ham. 5.1.163

How many "Assholes" do we have on this ship!?!!?!? --Spaceballs

How many Borg does it take to screw in a light bulb? All of them!

How many Borgs to change a light bulb? Illumination is irrelevant.

How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1.94

How many Vorlons does it take to change a lightbulb? Yes.

How many Windows jokes are there? None! They're all true.

How many acrylics died to make that sweater?

How many amino acids can dance on the head of a pin?

How many babies can a motherboard have?

How many fools does it take to make up a public?

How many frogs do I *have* to kiss?

How many lights do you see there? --Gul Madred to Jean-Luc Picard

How many lines could a tagline tag, if a tagline could tag lines?

How many peas in a pod, HAL?

How many people have killed in the name of God?

How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a cab?

How many roads must a man walk down, before he admits he's lost?

How many rooks would a book nook cook if a book nook could cook rooks?

How many sex-restricted jobs require a penis or a vagina?

How many witches does it take to change a light bulb? Into what?

How many years did it take you to become so ignorant?

How much C could a C++ if C + could + C?

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

How much dirt do you need? --Doc

How much love, sex, fun and friendship can a person take?

How much shit could a dipshit dip id a dipshit could dip shit?

How much should a guy spend on a wedding ring? More than he can afford

How much to downgrade to Turbo C-- ?

How much would that national debt be in binary?

How often do lesbian vampires meet? Every 28 days!

How quaint, the keyboard...

How to Be a Lame Duck in Three Years by Bill Clinton

How to Read a Book, by Paige Turner

How to Upgrade to MS-DOS 6.0 from OS/2 --MS-DOS 6.0 manual (1993)

How to accelerate a Mac: 100m-9.6m/s/s

How to be a Marine: Kick their's, Cover your's,Kiss the General's

How to catch a plane: first, dig a big hole in a runway...

How to hack a Computer: Step 1: Take axe and...

How to keep your conference on topic --Mod R. Ator

How to make a long story short: Forget the punch line.

How to make a million $'s: First, get a million $'s

How to make a small fortune with a bbs? Start with a large fortune!

How to measure an aardvark? use an aardstick!

How to multitask MS-DOS: Run pcemu(1) twice on Linux/FreeBSD!

How to solve Mideast problems: DEL IRA*.*

How to spell Canada: C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?

How typically vulgar and plebeian of you. -50 points..

How very odd and to think all this time I'd fancied myself free. Hmmm

How was I gonna get an education, sitting right back of Bobbi Ann Mason

How was the Disaster Area concert last night? I said, HOW WAS THE...

How was your date with Madonna? --Crow T. Robot on bound/gagged guy

How will it end? - Centari Emperor In fire - Ambassador Kosh

How will playing cards help? -- Spock

How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.

How would MacGyver handle this?

How would the cops react if banks were being bombed instead of clinics?

How would you rate me, on a scale of great to marvelous?

How's God? Errr, she's black, sir

How's this for diplomacy? Shoot them all! --Kirk

Howdy do sir, I'm looking for the lady of the house. --Garibaldi.

Hubbies wish they had as much fun out as their wives think they do.

Hubble telescope, now searching for Mars Probe.

Hucking Fell

Hug Your Kids at Home and Belt Them in the Car.

Hug a Bug in a Rug on a Tug as his Pug is a Mug on a Jug you Dug, you Lug!

Huge tag collection: "He's dead, Jim..." in 1,976 languages & dialects

Hugh Hefner- Breast size is irrelevent, Oh m'god i've been assimilated

Hugh of Borg: Is Geordi...a friend?

Hugh reads PlayBorg only for the assimilation articles.

Huh huh m huh huh, that's cool --Beavis

Human Being: An ingenious assembly of portable plumbing.

Human ERROR! It's **YOUR** FAULT!

Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.

Human consciousness is a Background Process.

Human memory is perfect; the operating system stinks.

Human virus, River Blindness, angels cry....fever grows --J. Geils

Human women are too fragile! --Worf

Human: an erudite ape with less hair and more money.

Humans and aliens wrapped in 2,500,000 tons of spinning metal. --Babylon

Humans are hard to train but they are the only servants cats have.

Humans are such easy prey...

Humans are unusually attatched to their offspring. --Troi

Humans have Minbari souls! --Babylon 5

Humans want to be good, but not too good and not all the time.

Humans: The species that should have never been...

Humble and proud of it!!!

Humbug. A singing cockroach.

Humor always plays very close to the hot fire of truth.

Humor and profit lie not all in one sack. --George Herbert

Humor is derived from pain, ergo no one ever laughs in heaven.

Humor is just another defense against the universe. --Mel Brooks

Humor section? In a feminist bookstore? You *must* be joking!

Humor. It is a difficult concept --Saavik

Humor: The ability to laugh at the distress of others.

Humorous tagline found, initiating theft sequence.

Humptey Dumptey was pushed.

Hundreds of Sanctuary residents will die. --Sisko.

Hunger is a good sauce.

Hussein of Borg: Resistance is futile. I will assimilate your bombs.

Hypocrisy is the Vaseline of political intercourse.

Hypocrisy is the Vaseline of social intercourse.

Hypotenuse: An aircraft toilet in use during flight.

hospital: A place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill.

housework: What we do, that nobody notices, until we haven't done it.

how much pro could programmer gram if a programmer could gram pro?

http://vvv.veni.vidi.vom...I came, I saw, I surfed their Web Page.

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