This is a collection of taglines (one-liners), selected from the huge database at www.taglinesgalore.com.

M$-Windows: A small useless utility running in an X-Window on Unix.

M. C. Escher is not a rap star!

MACINTOSH: Machine Always Crashes, If Not The OS Hangs.

MACRO created tagline&(*$@%$%#+()&%#^bleep, clunk#$%#@@!

MAD, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

MAN (n): An abbreviation of woman.

MARINE: Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Essential.

MARRIAGE(n): The Mourning After The Knot Before...

MARRIAGE: A place where you sleep with the enemy...

MC Hammer, n.: Device used to ensure firm seating of MicroChannel boards.

MEMORY: The thing we forget with.

MESSAGE (n): tagline carrier.

MFO: Mount Female Operator

MICE do it every day, but sometimes need their balls cleaned.

MICROSECOND: Delay between green light and honking horns.

MICROSOFT: We are the leaders... wait for Us!

MIPS: Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed.

MISERY: A warm coke and a cold hotdog.

MISFORTUNE(n): The kind of fortune that never misses.

MISSING: Tagline, 70 characters long, last seen on Fidonet.

MIXED EMOTION: Your mother-in-law driving off a cliff in your new car.

MNI: Misread Next Instruction

MODERATOR of BORG. Your topic will be assimilated.

MODERN GIRL: One who'd rather be well formed that well informed.

MODESTY: What women in labor soon get over.

MOG: Make Operator Growl

MOM: (M)ultitasking (O)ffspring (M)anager

MONOPOLY is a trademark of Microsoft Corporation.

MORAL, adj.: Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right.

MOSES to Pharaoh Clinton: let my wallet go...

MOTHER'S DAY: Nine months after Father's Day.

MOU: MOunt User [causes computer to screw you]

MOUNT TAPE U1439 ON B3, NO RING

MOUSE(n): elephant produced by Japanese engineers.

MOUSE.COM detected. Run CAT.EXE to delete? (Y/N)

MOUSE: Species of Rodent known to inhabit computers.

MPU-401s: All they ever think about is Hex!

MS Windows, from the people who brought you EDLIN.

MS Windows, yesterday's software tomorrow!

MS-DOG Error #11: Nothing serious...Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue.

MS-DOG Error #4: Press any key to continue, any other key to quit.

MS-DOS 6.0 Error! (A)bort, (R)etry, (S)ue Microsoft?

MS-DOS = suit & tie * Mac = cool shades * Amiga = high heels & a whip

MS-DOS is CP/M on steroids.

MS-DOS is a boot sector virus!

MS-DOS: Just Say No!

MS-DOS: Microsoft Seeks Dominion Over Society

MS-DOS: Morons Shouldn't Design Operating Systems

MS-DOS: celebrating fifteen years of continuous obsolescence.

MS-Windows: A colorful clown suit for DOS.

MSDOS: the latest utility supported by UNIX!

MSGD: Make Screen Go Dim

MSPI: Make Sure Plugged In

MTE: Mangle Tape on Exit

MURPHY'S LAW OF SEX: Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.

MURPHY'S LAW OF SEX: Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.

MURPHY'S LAW OF SEX: Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.

MURPHY'S LAW OF SEX: Smiling makes people wonder what you're thinking.

MURPHY'S LAW ON SEX: Sex is dirty only if it's done right.

MURPHY'S LAW ON SEX: When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.

MY Schwartz is as big as yours! --Spaceballs.

MY Schwartz is as big as yours! --Spaceballs

MYTH: When a wedding ring is placed on a woman, her brain stops.

Ma Bell, lines so quiet you can hear a carrier drop!

Ma'am will do in a pinch. However, I prefer `Captain'. --Janeway

Mac Error: Like, dude, something messed up.

Mac, adj. The excuse for not wanting to learn computing.

MacIntosh: computer with training wheels you can't remove.

Machines used in demolition are called Cats. Coincidence? I think not!

Macho woman: a female who uses a vibrator with a kick start.

Macintosh: [icon of shit] Shit Happened ID = 02

Macs are too dumb to understand what a virus is!

Mad cow disease can be neutralized with A-1 Steak Sauce.

Mad: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

Madam I'm Adam

Madrid 1492: Oust infidels! 1992: Welcome folks!

Mafia DOS: "Thisa you lasta chance [Y/N]?"

Magic is just undiscovered technology.

Magic is real, unless declared integer.

Mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage.

Mail packet: Dehydrated letters, just add computer!

Mail, Mail Everywhere... And Not One Stamp To Lick!

Mailing by ship is Cargo... Mailing by car is Shipment...???

Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.

Maintenance free: It's impossible to fix.

Majority Rule can be the worst tyranny of all. --Heinlein

Make Barney read anything written by Ivana Trump.

Make God laugh. Tell Her your plans for today.

Make Love Not War? Hell, do both: get married!

Make Money The Old Fashioned Way: PRINT IT!

Make WAR, not SEX, it's safer!

Make a cat speak dog. Cover with gasoline, throw match. WOOF!

Make a living, but make room for life.

Make a politician keep his promise by using a quality Bajoran phaser.

Make a program fool proof and soon some fool will break it.

Make a run for her border at Lesbian Bell.

Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler.

Make it so. --Picard

Make like a paycheck and get lost.

Make way for Dark Helmet... --Spaceballs

Make your wife angry during sex: Phone her.

Making a deal with Congress is like paying a cannibal to eat you last.

Making abortion illegal will only cause illegal abortions.

Male Power: paying *her* to be her bodyguard (aka dating).

Male zebras have white stripes, but female zebras have black stripes.

Males: primary victims of all violent crimes except rape.

Mama's got a squeezebox; Daddy doesn't sleep at night.

Mamogram: A telegram to Mom.

Man and mouse alike; both end up in pussy.

Man fails to protect, persecution results; women fail, she is protected.

Man has his will. Woman has her won't!

Man in love with dimple make mistake marrying whole girl.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. --Lily Tomlin

Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.

Man may work from sun to sun, but woman's work is never done.

Man should be like dog, if it can't be eaten or screwed, piss on it.

Man who argue with wife all day get no peace at night.

Man who buy drowned cat must pay for stinking wet pussy.

Man who fights with wife all day, gets no piece at night.

Man who gets kicked in testicles, is left holding bag.

Man who kisses girl's behind gets crack in face.

Man who live in glass house should dress in basement.

Man who lose key to girlfriend's house get no new key.

Man who masturbate into cash register, soon come into money.

Man who says it cannot be done, should not interrupt woman doing it.

Man who sinks into woman's arms soon has arms in woman's sink.

Man who snatches kisses when young, kisses snatches when old.

Man without God is like a fish without a bicycle.

Man your ships! And may the Force be with you! --Leia

Man's rights can be violated only by the use of physical force.

Man: A creature made at the end of a week's work when God was tired.

Manual entries make you blind...

Manual labour: reading the manual.

Manual? Just say NO! to Micro$oft Windows.

Manual? What manual? This is UNIX!

Manuals come out after all possible keystrokes fail.

Many a dumb blonde is really a smart brunette.

Many a war's been lost by one man doing nothing.

Many a woman borrows a man's heart; very few could possess it.

Many are called, few are chosen. Fewer still get to do the choosing.

Many are educated... few are learned...

Many men smoke, but fu man chu.

Many miles to go before I sleep.

Many of us have excellent aim in life, but no ammunition.

March 26, 1827. Beethoven begins decomposing.

Marine wisdom: 1+2=3. Therefore 4+5=6.

Marketing is simply sales with a college education.

Marriage causes dating problems.

Marriage has driven more than one man to sex.

Marriage is 3 rings: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Marriage is a 50/50 deal. I make it, she spends it.

Marriage is a mutual misunderstanding.

Marriage is a premature punishment for those who get divorced.

Marriage is a souvenier of love.

Marriage is a trip between Niagra Falls and Reno.

Marriage is a war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Marriage is give and take. I eat your cooking so you do the dishes.

Marriage is the hangover from the intoxication of passion.

Marriage is the main cause of divorce.

Marriage, the binding of souls. (with a ball and chain)

Marriage: A banquet where dessert is served first.

Marriage: A process whereby love ripens into vengeance.

Marriage: A sentence, not a word.

Marriage: Where you have to keep paying for sex long after you had it.

Marriage: a step towards death or divorce.

Marriage: a way of being informed of all your faults.

Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.

Marriage? No thanks; I don't breed well in captivity.

Marriages are based on believing you won the arguments.

Marriages tend to spoil perfectly good relationships.

Marry your mistress, create a job vacancy.

Mars Probe ERROR: A)bort R)etry T)ell 'em where I am?

Mary Had A Little Lamb... Aint Genetic Science Amazing?

Mary Poppins: first of the Q to visit earth...

Mary had a little lamb... I wonder who the father was?

Mary had a little lamb... and claimed the operation on Medicare.

Mary, YOU'RE WHAT!?...OK, I've got an idea... --Joseph.

Mary, my fine daughter, show your legs to the wealthy man.

Mass Media: The Ministry of Truth by any other name...

Math illiteracy affects 7.9999857 of every 4.9999834 PENTIUMS!

Math professors have bore-gasms.

Matter can't be created or destroyed, nor can it be returned without a receipt.

Max oxymoron: The Senate Ethics Committee.

May God bless and keep the censors... far away from us!

May God grant you the mercy that I cannot.

May I buy less government please?

May I fire you?

May I plea guilty by reason of sanity?

May a thousand angry hornets take refuge in your pants.

May all the Clintons be forgot and never come back again...

May all your PUSHes be POPed.

May all your desires be granted at once. --Ancient Chinese curse

May all your dreams come true, and may you have only nightmares.

May all your wishes come true. --Ancient Persian curse

May da' Schwarz be with you! --Yogurt, Spaceballs

May fortune favor the foolish and ships named Enterprise.

May the FORCE be with you.

May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.

May the Gods grant me a pliant maiden, a swift horse and a stout sword.

May the Porsche be with you.

May the Porsche be with you.

May the SOURCE be with you.

May the bugs of many programs nest on your hard drive.

May the bugs of many programs nest on your hard drive.

May the bytes of a thousand replies infest your CPU.

May the bytes of a thousand replies infest your CPU.

May the clouds of reality never again cover the sun of happiness!

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest Janet Reno's crotch!

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

May the source be with you.

May the virii of a 1000 Lamerz fall upon your CPU.

May the volts of a 1000 lightning bolts strike your modem

May the wind at your back not be your own.

May the wind be fast to your back and blow you over.

May the wind behind you always be your own.

May we kiss those we please, and please those we kiss.

May you always ask a question at the right time of the right person.

May you ask the right question of the right person at the right time.

May you back into a pitchfork and grab a hot stove for support.

May you die afraid, alone and in pain.

May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.

May you enjoy your wedding feast, then choke on the last bite.

May you ferment in the frothing feces of a constipated crocodile!

May you get exactly what you deserve! --Shin'a'in curse

May you live all the days of your life.

May you live in interesting times.

May you lose all your teeth... but one should remain for a toothache.

May you never sneeze backwards!

May your Monitor Live Long and Phosphor.

May your backups always be good but never be necessary!

May your children be so famous every policeman knows them.

May your life be filled with lawyers.

May your screen live long and phosphor.

May your screen live long and phosphor.

Maybe "All You Need Is Love", but money helps.

Maybe God is a kid playing SimEarth.

Maybe God is a kid playing SimEarth.

Maybe I was holding all the aces, but what was the game?

Maybe it's right to be nervous now...

Maybe the Leaning Tower of Pisa is just being italic...

Maybe there's something wrong with the Universe.

Mayor of Hiroshima: "What the HELL was that?!?!?"

Mayor of Hiroshima: What the F*** was that????

McAffee Scan Results: "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)"

McAffee Scan Results: "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)"

McBorg's: Over 60 billion assimilated.

McCoy on Spock: That green-blooded son of a bitch...

McCoy on V'ger: What do you suggest we do, spank it?

McCoy's gravestone: "I'm dead, Jim!"

McCoy: "Jim, you don't ask the Allmighty for his ID!"

McCoy: Dialysis? My God, what is this? The Dark Ages? --ST IV, The Voyage Home

McCoy: Hi, busy? [*] Spock: Uhura is busy; I am monitoring.

Me and my 4th wife believe in family values.

Me: Optimistic Pessimist, Wife: Pessimistic Pessimist.

Me? Afraid of big brother? I *am* big brother!

Me? Paranoid? Who wants to know?

Meanest girl in the world: Tonya Rodham Bobbitt.

Meanwhile, back at the oasis, the Arabs were eating their dates.

Meanwhile, in outer space...

Measure with micrometer, mark with chalk, cut with axe.

Meddle not in Dragon's affairs for you are crunchy & good with ketchup...

Meddle not in the affairs of cats, for they will pee on your keyboard.

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy.

Meddle not in the affairs of wizards, for... *poof*! ribbit? ribbit?!

Medi-Scare: When an INCREASE in medicare is termed a "cut".

Median 85% of adult homeless are men.

Median 85% of adult homeless are men.

Medical science *still* cannot cure stupidity.

Mediocrity killed the cat.

Meek Inherit The Earth... Inheritance Tax is $6,784,691 each!

Meep, Meep, (and picture a cloud of smoke...) --RoadRunner

Meet Captain Kathryn Janeway, pool shark of the Delta Quadrant.

Meet my girlfriend, her name is Ranma... Why are you laughing?

Megahertz: One million aches and pains.

Melbourne, Florida, USA, Sol 3, 5th Sector, Quadrant 2A, Milky Way.

Melodies decaying in sweet dissonance...

Memeber of the Guild of Tagline Theives.

Memory Conflicts with Windows 3.11

Memory Greed : Apollo 11 mission - 48kB. Win3.1 Solitaire - 8MB!??!!

Memory is a thing we forget with.

Memory is the second thing to go.

Memry Hog Error. More Ram needed. More! More!

Men always fall for frigid women because they put on the best show.

Men and women were created equal, but women continued to improve.

Men approve of premarital sex until daughters are born.

Men are a pain in the @$$, women are a pain EVERYWHERE!

Men are a pain in the @$$, women are a pain EVERYWHERE!

Men are born ignorant, not stupid. They are made stupid by education.

Men are deprived of their right to life because of their sex.

Men are deprived of their right to life because of their sex.

Men are fun to argue with, because even IF they win... they lose.

Men are great! Every woman should own one!

Men are just like computers, and a smart woman keeps a backup.

Men are just like computers, and a smart woman keeps a backup.

Men are like bras: they offer light, medium and complete support.

Men are more sentimental than women. It blurs their thinking. --L. Long

Men are scum, of course. Still, some are less scummy than others.

Men are such idiots and I married their king. --Peg Bundy

Men are the reason that women hate one another.

Men are what their mothers made them.

Men come in three sizes: small, average, and OOoohhh baby!

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what *else* is on TV.

Men falsely accused of rape is, in essence, emotionally raped.

Men fight for Freedom, then pass laws to take it away!

Men give love to get sex, Women give sex to get love.

Men give love to get sex, Women give sex to get love.

Men have become tools of their tools. --Thoreau

Men have no civil rights when women jab uncivil lefts.

Men have no civil rights when women jab uncivil lefts.

Men invented computers to drive women crazier!

Men invented computers to drive women crazier!

Men of peace usually are [brave].

Men only learned to walk upright to put beer on the top shelf!

Men pay dues for labor unions, taxpayers pay dues for feminism.

Men play the game. Women know the score.

Men play the game; women know the score.

Men receive death sentence for murder 20x more than women.

Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.

Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.

Men snore to protect their women from wild animals.

Men spend enough money on women to pay the national debt.

Men stumble on stones, not mountains.

Men who became women to become lesbians... next on "Donohue!"

Men who have playful kittens shouldn't sleep in the nude.

Men who know they are geniuses usually aren't.

Men who love women who hate men who love women... On the next Oprah!

Men who murder man-bashing talk show hosts... on the final Oprah.

Men who murder man-bashing talk show hosts... on the final Oprah.

Men will drive in circles for hours rather than ask for directions.

Men willingly believe what they wish. --Julius Caesar

Men, Just children with paychecks

Men: The sex more willing to pay the price of power.

Mental Backup in progress, do not disturb. (snore)

Menu, n.: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.

Mercifully free from the ravages of intelligence.

Mercury poisoning, the best kept secret in the West...

Mercury poisoning, the best kept secret in the West...

Mercy for the guilty is cruelty to the innocent.

Mercy to the guilty is cruelty to the innocent. --Adam Smith

Message 1 of 1653489.

Message brought to you by sufficient coffee indigestion.

Message composition: 21% crap, 63% offtopic, 2% computers, 14% relevent...

Message from New World Order Citizen Number: ||#||||#||#||#||

Meter: [...../] Kilometer: [x1k...../] Deadmeter: [.._..].

Meter: [...../] Meter on a brain: [..../@] Any questions?

Meter: [...../] Meter on drugs: [\..|../] Any questions?

Meter: [...../] Tribble multiplication meter: [*****/]

Methinks I am being drawn into something here...

Methinks that thou art attempting to Obfuscate the issue!

Miami bumpersticker: Pardon my driving, I'm trying to reload.

Mice crawl under doors, programs crawl under Windows.

Mice never win, unless you believe those lying cartoons!

Michael Jackson & Elton John duet: "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"

Michael failed as a proof-reader for M & M's.

Michigan: Crocodiles may not be tied to fire hydrants.

Michigan: It is against the law to put a skunk in your boss' desk.

Micro$oft Windows a virus with mouse support.

Micro. Soft. - Attributed to Mrs. Bill Gates on her wedding night.

MicroSloth: Bringing you ten year old technology, tomorrow, maybe.

MicroSoft Product detected: (A)bort (R)etry (G)rab a stick and kill it

MicroSoft tech support: "Remove all useful utilities from your system."

MicroSoft: Where quality is job 1.1!

MicroSoft: using yesterday's technology tomorrow.

Microfiche: Extremely small French fish.

Microfiche: Sardines.

Microprogramming: Programming done on extremely small computers.

Microsecond: Amount of time needed for a program to bomb.

Microsoft Free Zone!

Microsoft Makes It Easier! (to switch to Linux).

Microsoft Windon't.

Microsoft Windows is NOT a virus. Viruses do SOMETHING.

Microsoft Windows... a virus with mouse support.

Microsoft Windows: From the people who brought you EDLIN.

Microsoft gave you Windows. GNU/Linux gives you the whole house.

Microsoft installation error. Remove disk #92 & restart.

Microsoft is a high-maintenance whore.

Microsoft is suing American Airlines 'cause they have lawyers too.

Microsoft is suing Apple 'cause they have employees too.

Microsoft motto: "We're the leaders, wait for us!"

Microsoft motto: "We're the leaders, wait for us!"

Microsoft tech support: 1-900-USUCKER

Microsoft technical support line: 1-900-SUCKERS

Microsoft technical support line: 1-900-SUCKERS

Microsoft's largest competitor has a 5% market share.

Microsoft: Bringing you yesterday's technology "real soon now".

Microsoft: How much money is left in your wallet today?

Microsoft: Making tomorrow's mistakes today...

Microsoft: The only company named after the CEO's penis.

Microsoft: To badly go where more clever people have avoided going.

Microsoft: When do you want Windows to crash today?

Microsoft: Where do you want to wait today?

Microsoft: You can buy better but you can't pay more!

Midas was into golden showers.

Midas was into golden showers.

Middle Age: Halfway between adolescence and obsolescence!

Middle Age: Halfway between adolescence and obsolescence!

Midi isn't a sound file, it's a region in France!

Miiiiiiinnnnnniiiiiimmmmmmmmuuuummmm WAGE Heyah! [Whipcrack]

Miles to walk before I rest.

Militancy of feminism is inversely proportional to beauty.

Military Defeats: Major Disaster and General Mayhem.

Military Intelligence - In God We Trust, everyone else we monitor.

Military Intelligence is an oxymoron!

Military Intelligence is an oxymoron!

Military oxymoron: Killed by friendly fire.

Military secrets are the most fleeting of all. --Spock

Millenium Falcon here. Who're those bozos in the cubes?

Million here, million there, soon you're talking real money!

Millionaire Senators: 21 Democrats, 7 Republicans. Tax the rich?

Millions for defense, but not one cent for tribute.

Millions of people will die who have never died before. --Spock

Millisecond: Delay between a green light and honking horns.

Minbari do not lie, Captain. --Lennier.

Mind altering drugs? No thanks. I might become normal.

Minds, like parachutes, only work when open.

Minds, like parachutes, work only when open.

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord.

Minimalistic brains.

Minimum wage for politicians.

Ministry of Silly Walks. --Monty Python's Flying Cicrus

Minnesota: The land of blonde hair and blue ears!

Minor sexual abuse: 1 boy to 1.7 girls.

Minute Man: Guy who double parks in front of whore house.

Miracle Software, Inc. Motto: If it works, it's a Miracle

Miscellaneous is always the largest catagory. --Slovotsky's Law

Mischief all comes from too much opening of the mouth.

Misdemeanor: An unmarried woman named Demea Nor.

Misery is your wife, dog, mistress & secretary all pregnant at once!

Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.

Misery loves company, but she will rarely foot the bill.

Misfortune, n.: The kind of fortune that never misses.

Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.

Misinform: delivering pertinent facts to the ladies.

Misinformation Central.

Misinformation is the cruelest computer virus of all.

Misinformation is the cruelest computer virus of all.

Missed me by |<-->| THAT much... --Maxwell Smart

Mission of Deep Space 9: To boldly stay where no one has stayed before.

Mission statement: Modem down with my UART chip set at stunning speed.

Missionaries gave cannibals the first taste of Christianiy.

Mistake: Something a Virgin and a Parachutist only make once!

Mistakes are the portals of discovery. --James Joyce

Mistakes at least show someone did something at sometime.

Mistakes will happen, but don't give them too much help.

Mistress: something between a mister and a mattress.

Mistrust first impulses, they are always good.

Mistrust first impulses, they are always good.

Mixed Emotions: 89 new messages. 32 of them to you.

Mixed emotions is when your kid gets an "A" in sex class.

Miyazawa to Bush: "Your dinner is on me!"

Mobius strippers never show you their back side.

Modem Law: +++ATH = @#%5#nj3//... NO CARRIER

Modem Warning: For external use only. Keep out of reach of owner.

Modem sex begins with a handshake.

Modem: A device that triples your phone bill.

Modem: A great deterrent to phone solicitors.

Modem: A great deterrent to phone solicitors

Modem: Complement of Mode W.

Modem: Device to simulate sound of disconnected telephone.

Modem: Noise for 5 seconds, then quietly fills your HD.

Moderator's Murphy's Law: Take a vacation and s**t hits the fan.

Modesty died when false modesty was born. --Mark Twain

Modesty is a *vastly* overrated virtue.

Modesty is but one of my many wonderful traits.

Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

Moebius stripper never show you their backsides.

Mom never spanked: she would beat the hell out of...

Mom said carrots are good for my eyes, but it hurts when I insert 'em.

Momentum is pushing your physics teacher out of the window.

Mometer: Back of mom's hand that determines if a child has a fever.

Mometer: Back of mom's hand that determines if a child has a fever.

Mommy mommy, why is daddy running? Shut up and reload!

Mommy why is Daddy running so fast? Shut up and reload!

Mommy, I don't like my little sister! Shaddup and eat your dinner.

Mommy, Mommy, what's an Oedipus complex? Shut up and kiss me.

Mommy, can I be a boy genius when I grow up?

Mommy, why is Daddy so pale? Shaddap and dig!

Monastary: A home for unmarried Fathers.

Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.

Monday is one hell of a way to spend 1/7 of your life.

Monday is soon coming to a calendar near you!

Monday is soon coming to a calendar near you!

Monday is the root of all evil!

Monday morning brought to you by the letters OH and NO....

Money can't buy everything. That's what credit cards are for.

Money can't buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.

Money can't buy happiness, but allows a choice of misery.

Money can't buy love, but I'm willing to fake it.

Money can't buy love, but diamonds can.

Money can't buy love, but it sure can make someone more likeable.

Money can't buy love, but it'll rent it for an awful long time.

Money can't buy love, but most women sure can love money!

Money can't buy love, but who needs love when you have money?

Money can't buy love, you need a good credit line too...

Money for nothing, Chick's for free...

Money for nothing, Chick's for free.

Money is a good servant, but a dangerous master.

Money is a lousy means of keeping score.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is flat and meant to be piled up. --Scottish proverb

Money is great, but you waste alot of time making it.

Money is money, but women are better!

Money is my middle name, first name Ihaveno, last name Left.

Money is still the most efficient labor saving device.

Money isn't everything, usually it isn't even enough.

Money isn't everything... according to those who have it.

Money may be the root of all evil, but greed is the fertilizer.

Money often costs too much.

Money talks and bullshit walks.

Monolith Fire Escape: "My God! It's full of stairs!"

Monopoly? No, we just don't want competition. --MicroSoft

Monty Pythagoras: The Ministry of Silly Geometry.

Monty Python of Borg: And now for something completly irrelevent!

Monty Python: "I'd like to have an argument, please."

Monty Pythonborg's Flying Collective. You KNOW resistance is futile.

Moody bitch seeks understanding gentleman for love/hate relationship.

Moon: A planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. --H.G. Wells

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Moral of Vietnam/Somalia: Leave military decisions to the military.

Morale improved, but now I ENJOY floggings!

Morality cannot be defined by individual choice.

More Speed Scotty. But Capt'n, we're at 56000 baud!

More black males are in prison than in college.

More fun than a Ginsu Dildo.

More fun than a ferret in your pants!

More husbands would leave home if they knew how to pack!

More people would be alive if more criminals got the death penalty!

More than half of all patients of abortion clinics die.

More than half the population has IQs less than 100

Mos @FN@ Spaceport. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum!

Moscow in flames! Missles coming! Film at 11.

Moscow in flames! Missles coming! NO Film at 11.

Moses Invests, Jesus saves and Cthulhu Collects!

Moses Invests, Jesus saves and Cthulhu Collects!

Moses did not bring down from Mt. Sinai the Ten Suggestions.

Moses gave the Egyptians 10 plagues... Microsoft gave us Windows.

Moses to God: "They're free? I'll take 10!"

Moses: "I bring you these 15... oops... CRASH... 10 commandments..."

Most allies must be watched just like the enemy.

Most asked question: Huh?

Most bugs are real sons of glitches.

Most legends have their basis in facts. --Kirk, stardate 5029.5.

Most men approve of premarital sex until daughters are born.

Most men don't care if you don't shave your legs either.

Most men have an unhealthy tendency to obey laws.

Most men have died without creating; not one has died without destroying.

Most of the honest truth telling in the world is done by children.

Most of the love triangles today are turning into wrecktangles!

Most people want freedom, as long as it's free.

Most secrets seem to be too good to keep, or not worth keeping.

Most women are not as young as they are painted.

Most women expect: He will be a brilliant conversationalist.

Most women would rather be loved much than wisely.

Most wonderful ideas are so obvious that they're not.

Mostly dead.

Mother Nature doesn't care if you are having fun. --Larry Niven

Mother Nature has PMS.

Mother Nature is a bitch.

Mother is the invention of necessity.

Mother may I chmod(1)?

Mother should I trust the government?

Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before.

Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls...

Mothers-in-law: Referees with an interest in one of the fighters.

Motivation gets you started, habit keeps you going.

Motto of the LAPD: "We Treat You Like A [Rodney] King!"

Mount your horses men! ...but we're not that lonely sir!

Mouse balls now available at your local computer store.

Mouse button failure, click here to resume.

Mouse lost it's balls, unable to point and shoot.

Mouse never wins unless you believe those lying cartoons!

Mouse raping elephant: "I'll try not to hurt you, baby."

Moving fast is not the same as going somewhere.

Moving parts require lubrication.

Mr Worf Fire at Will. BZZZT! ...hey, where'd Riker go?

Mr Worf, fire at will. Wait, I didn't mean Riker!!!

Mr Worf, warp factor 1,803,840,000,000 furlongs per fortnight.

Mr. Checkov, second star to the right and straight on 'til morning. --Kirk

Mr. Data, that's "retract" the plank, not "remove" the plank...

Mr. President, Do you swear to tell the truth (Hahahaha)

Mr. President, it's your boss. You know, "We the People."

Mr. QED: A logical horse of a different continuum.

Mr. Sandman, send me a dream, make her the cutest that I've ever seen.

Mr. Sco*t! G*t th*s* trib*les out*of m* ta*lin* n*w!!!

Mr. Worf, fire! No, no, no, put down that extinguisher. *sigh*

Mr. Worf, scan that ship. --Picard. Aye Captain, 300dpi? --Worf

Mrs. Murphy and baby Murphy are instances of Murphy's law.

Mu'ad Dib, your sandworm, 124C, is blocking the driveway.

Mudhole? Slimey? Our home this is! --Yoda.

Multi-tasking: Crashing four different programs at the same time.

Multi-tasking: Reading in the bathroom.

Multi-tasking: Screwing up several things at once.

Multi-tasking: Twice the mistakes in half the time!

Multiple Personality: First Person Plural.

Multiple personality? Who, us?

Multitasking: 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!

Multitasking: A PDP/11 since 1970!

Multitasking: Crashing both hard-drives at once.

Multitasking: Reading in the bathroom.

Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once!

Multitasking: start a download & get a beer.

Multiversity (n): Extended University.

Multiversity (n): Opposite of University.

Multiversity: Knowing many poems.

Murphy is lurking out there... waiting...

Murphy is out there... waiting...

Murphy on projects: Everthing takes longer & costs more.

Murphy was an optimist...

Murphy's 8th Military Law: Incoming fire has the right of way.

Murphy's Fifth Corollary: Every solution breeds new problems.

Murphy's Law doesn't apply to mee!!!!

Murphy's Law fails only when you try to demonstrate it, and thus succeeds.

Murphy's Law is an instantiation of the law of entropy.

Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.

Murphy's Law of Research: Enough research will tend to support your theory.

Murphy's law #1024: Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Murphy's: All constants are variables (unless declared volatile).

Muruora: Sunny one day, 20 000 degrees the next.

Muslim: If sh*t happens, take a hostage!

My "Inner Child" is a really nasty bitch!

My $0.02 worth and priced just right!

My *OTHER* computer is R2D2!

My ATM just asked me if I wanted to go double or nothing!

My Brother's Keeper is my Mum!

My Cray Y-MP does an infinite loop in 1.27 sec.

My Cray does an infinite loop in 4.21 usec.

My Cray just don't have the kind of power it takes to run windows!

My Dog thinks he's human. My cat thinks she's a Goddess!

My God! It's full of stars!

My God, it's full of stores! --2001: A Shopping Odyssey

My God, its full of spam!

My IQ test came back negative.

My Mistress is always right.

My Wife of Borg: I have checks. Balance is irrelevent.

My XT is 9 years old. In PC years, that's 130.

My ancestors are hiding in a witness protection program.

My assault rifle IS used for sport. I hunt BATF agents.

My attorney knew the Law but her attorney knew the Judge.

My bad habit? Marrying ugly women and buying them houses.

My blood type is (unsigned)0.

My blood type? Red of course.

My boss made it the hard way. She was nice to her father.

My brain is dynamic... please refresh my memory.

My brain is on drugs? COOL!

My cat ate my mouse, and now I'm stuck with arrow keys.

My cat can lick your cat!

My cat committed suicide. She shot herself in the head nine times.

My cat committed suicide... shot herself in the head nine times.

My cat doesn't bite, but she has a pretty intimidating lick!

My cat gave me permission to use my computer.

My cat got into my DNA and now all the strands are tangled and knotted.

My cat got my tongue and she won't give it back!

My cat got my tongue and she won't give it back!

My cat has 9 lives, but my frog croaks daily!

My cat rules the house, and the dogs obey.

My cat's on steroids and is now no pussy.

My chips had silicon implants.

My compliments on the quality of your enemies, Doctor.

My computer calls me 'Dave'. I think it's trying to kill me.

My computer even TALKS like the Enterprise computer.

My computer has a nut loose on the keyboard.

My computer has a tag...$1299.99 plus $45000 of free software.

My computer has a virus. It thinks my modem has a carrier.

My computer is working, and I'm on a break!

My computer just went down on me, but it ain't as good as my girlfriend.

My computer keeps doing what I tell it, not what I want it to do.

My computer lets me be about as dumb as I want to be.

My computer made me do it, Honest...

My concealed weapon carry permit is my birth certificate!

My credit is so bad they won't even take my cash!

My daughter is a born doctor. She can't write anything anyone can read.

My desk is final proof of Chaos theory.

My dog thinks he's human, but my cat knows she's a Goddess.

My dogma is bigger then your karma!

My economy: Hairline recession; waist inflation; deep depression.

My employers probably disagree with the above views. But that's nothing new.

My every path is shrewn with cowpats from the devil's own satanic herd.

My ex-wife got the gold mine, but I got the shaft.

My face, figure, and voice makes a man stop, look, and listen.

My father died at Khitomer, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt...

My father never told me about women like you!

My favorite brand of beer? Whatever SHE'S buying!

My favorite brand of beer? Whatever SHE'S buying!

My favorite color? Red. No, BluAAAAAHHH! --Monty Python's Holy Grail

My fear grips the will of stone; my grip fears I'll die alone.

My first wives were Famine, Pestilence and Death. --Londo Mollari

My flat is so small flies must file a flight plan.

My girlfriend gives me more error messages than my computer.

My girlfriend gives me more error messages than my computer.

My girlfriend has blue eyes, golden skin, and long, plaid hair.

My girlfriend is always right.

My god can beat up your god!

My guardian angel probably has a drinking problem.

My hard disk is 100 percent FAT free! Using ext2fs and ufs instead!

My hard drive has a furball, my cat has bad sectors.

My home address is 0x327a3b7c

My home address is A3C8:78BD

My horse got shot, so I had to break his leg...

My hovercraft is full of eels...

My husband wanted a golden shower. I could only afford antique brass.

My idea of a 7-course meal is a hot dog and a six pack.

My idea of an agreeable person is one who agrees with me.

My imaginary playmate won't play with me.

My inner child is a sick little bitch!

My job is a stable one, it's full of horse crap.

My karma just ran over your dogma.

My kid sister was sent from heaven. They like it quiet up there.

My kingdom for a beer; half my beer for a woman.

My kingdom for a lesbian!

My lawyer can beat up your lawyer!

My life is an unevaluated registration copy.

My life is sh*t, but hey, thanks for asking.

My marriage counsler is divorced and my financial planner is broke.

My mind is made up. Don't confuse me with the facts!

My mind is not for rent to any god or government!

My mother invented me. My father denies!

My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.

My mother-in-law is an alien.

My mouse died and my rat won't plug into the com port.

My name is Annie Key. Ouch! Why are you hitting me?!

My name is Borg, James Borg, licensed to assimilate.

My name is Fred Kreuger. Your father killed me. Prepare to die.

My name? said the old man sadly, is Slartibartfast.

My new PC has a VL-BUS motherboard in it. Didn't they mean VW Bus?

My new Pentium is so fast it can bake a potato in eight minutes!

My office is a FIFL buffer: First In, First Lost!

My opinion is uncluttered by facts!

My opinions are mine. They're probably wrong, but mine nonetheless.

My opinions expressed above are not necessarily mine.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am always right.

My other computer calls me "Dave".

My other computer gave the answer "42".

My other computer has an infinite improbability drive.

My other computer has punch cards running Win NT inside a Unix Window.

My other computer is Deep Thought.

My other computer is a Cray (and Windows NT still runs slow).

My other computer is a Cray Y-MP emulator.

My other computer is a Cray Y/MP-4!

My other computer is a HoloDeck (tm).

My other computer is an Apple II emulator.

My other computer is the M-5 unit.

My other computer is user friendly.

My other ship has a cloaking device.

My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship, with foxtails!

My other wife is beautiful.

My past may be questionable, but my future is spotless.

My poor mouse only has one ball.

My program can beat up your program.

My reality check bounced!

My rifle will protect me from enemies, both foreign and domestic.

My secretary quit... she caught me kissing my wife!

My sister owns a computer store in Hawaii. She sells C shells by the seashore.

My software doesn't have bugs; only random features.

My son must get his brains from his mother... I still have mine.

My spell checker thinks SPOCK should be spelled SOCK.

My spouse scheduled our next love-in... when IS the Twelveth of Never?

My wallet's cache is disabled.

My wife and I were happy for 30 years. Then we met.

My wife and I, whom I love very much...

My wife can go from 0 to b*tch in 3.2 seconds.

My wife divorced me because of illness. She got sick of me.

My wife found a way to save her money: she spends mine.

My wife is always right.

My wife is one of those annoying persons who is usually right.

My wife said she was going to the gym, or was that to Jim?

My wife treats me like a god. I get a burnt offering every meal.

My wife's into S&M... Snoring and moaning.

Myth: A female moth.

Myth: The computer only does what you tell it to do!

main () { for (;;) { day++; dollar-- ; } }

main(int c, char **v){if(c = *v[1]++)main(c, v), putchar(c);}

main(void){int x;for(x=0;x<32767;x++)printf("Bulk tagline %d\n",x);}

meeOOW! *splat* woOOF! *splat* (Raining cats and dogs)