This is a collection of taglines (one-liners), selected from the huge database at www.taglinesgalore.com.

SCAN: Windows found. Automatically purging virus!!

SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out! --Ken Thompson

SCSI drive, Shaken, Not Stirred.

SCST: Switch Channel to Star Trek

SHOCKING TRUTH: 50% of all people are below average.

SLEDGE-O-MATIC: For life's most difficult problems.

SLUT: Will do it with anyone. BITCH: Will do it with anyone but you.

SM-DOS: File not found, Mistress... Beat me? [Y/Y]

SM-DOS: LASH.COM not found. Load CAT09.EXE instead? [Y/N]

SOSing in a vast ocean of bits, bytes and data sharks.

SPECIAL OFFER: FREE SEX with any legal marriage to me.

ST-TNG A Space Odyssey: "My God... it's full of Yars!"

SYNTAX? Why not, they tax everthing else!

SYSTEM ERROR #1303, Power NOT on!!

Saavik: You lied! Spock: I exaggerated.

Sabotage the Borg, give 'em Windows95.

Sacred Cows make great hamburgers! --Anonymous.

Sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs.

Saddam Hussein Condoms: For guys who don't pull out.

Saddam Hussein is the father of the mother of all cliches.

Saddam Hussein still has his job. Do you?

Saddam Husseins' Greatest SCUD Hits Vol.1

Saddam eats his Kurds.

Sadism (n): the standard deviation of the mean.

Sadism: A sadist refusing to whip a masochist.

Sadistic Pet Tricks: Teach parrot to say "Here Kitty Kitty Kitty..."

Sadly, we still don't know what causes heterosexuality.

Sado-masochist? Try Windows!

Sado-necro-bestiality is beating a dead horse.

Sadomasochism means never having to say you're sorry.

Safe Sex used to mean putting the car in park first!

Safe Sex used to mean you held the only key to the handcuffs.

Safe hex means never having to say 'You downloaded WHAT?'

Safe sex is marrying a Virgin!

Safe sex is wearing your .45 to bed.

Safe sex used to mean her sister didn't snitch to her boyfriend.

Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted!

Sagan of Borg: Billions and Billions of assimilations.

Saigon. Can't believe I'm still in Saigon. --Apocalypse NOW!

Sale Illegal? Hell! I'll GIVE it away.. with this $5000 ball-point pen.

Sale: parachute, used once, never opened, small stain.

Sales taxes are regressive and punish the poor!

Salmon C: The only compiler to implement upstream spawning.

Santa Claus: He died for your presents.

Santa charged everything on *my* American Express Card.

Santa is Satan spelled sideways.

Santa is sending an elf down Lorena Bobbitt's chimney.

Santa nada: Expecting a certain gift for Christmas and not receiving it.

Santa now gives lumps of enriched-uranium pellets to bad boys.

Santa only comes once a year, too bad for him.

Santa, how much for your list of naughty girls?

SaraDOS 1.0 : (S)cream loudly (G)randfather!!! (W)imper a lot

Sarah Connor? Agent Mulder, Agent Scully. We'd like to talk to you...

Sarcasm is giving a sharp edge to a blunt truth.

Sarek: Klingon justice is a unique point of view, Mr. President.

Sarek: My logic is uncertain where my son is concerned.

Satan is the best friend the church ever had. --Anton Levey

Satan kissed my dog!

Satan our master in evil mayhem, guides us with every first step...

Satan talks backwards in Windows' DLLs.

Satan: Patriarch of The Church Of The Adversary (Mystic)

Satan: The Moderator from Hell.

Satan: The monster under the bed, for adults.

Satisfaction Guaranteed or your Smile cheerfully Refunded.

Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in.

Sauron is alive in Argentina!

Save America! Impeach President Clinton and her husband, Bill.

Save Florida: Restrict Driver's Licenses to those under 100.

Save Laboratory Animals. Use Lawyers instead.

Save a bird: eat a pussy!

Save burnt out lighttbulbs: I need them for my darkroom.

Save changes before exit? (Y)es, (N)o, (W)hat changes?

Save energy! Install Microsoft Thermal Windows 4.0

Save energy, be apathetic.

Save me, I'm victim of a mortal life.

Save our virgin forests: buy a tree a chastity belt.

Save out planet _from_ our descendants.

Save the American family: Nuke Hillary!

Save the Earth! We may need it later.

Save the Planet. We need the refundable deposit.

Save the Plankton, eat a whale.

Save the [ANY] key!

Save the books! Burn the censors!

Save the children! Shoot a drug dealer!

Save the males!

Save the planet and redeem it for valuable coupons!

Save the ugly animals too!

Save time: Boot up precrashed Windows!

Save your money for a rainy day, or a new computer!

Save your money, it may be valuable again someday.

Save your pennies. The dollars go to the I.R.S.

Save yourself! Reboot in 5 seconds!

Save, Exit, Assemble, Link, Run, "*#&$(@!" Ctrl+Alt+Del.

Savior, may I learn to love thee, Walk the ${PATH}s that 'root' had shown.

Sawing a lady in half is easy. Putting her back together is hard.

Say "Goodbye", Data. --Geordi. "Goodbye, Data." --Data.

Say "pistachios." It's impolite to say "nuts."

Say NO to Big Brother Government.

Say NO to monopolies! Boycott Microsoft products!

Say the secret word and be assimilated. --Groucho of Borg.

Say what you know, do what you must, come what may.

Say what you like, aardvarks are still first in my book.

Scan that ship!... Aye, Captain... 300 DPI?

Scare a fundamentalist: say you are a cannibal too!

Scared of Speed? Try Micro$oft Windows!

Scars of pleasure, Scars of pain.

Schindler's other list: Ham, bacon, pork chops, sausage.

Scholars are a library's way of making more libraries.

School attendance is compulsory, learning optional.

School for Gurus: GURU U!

Schoolgirls hit schoolboys 20:1.

Schroedinger's Cat Clinic: "Give your pet half a chance."

Schwartzenegger doing Shakespeare: To Be or Not To Be, but I'll be back!

Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Schwarzkopf happens.... In downtown Bagdad.

Science asks "How?", Philosophy ask "Why", Nature doesn't give a s--t!

Science asks why. I ask why not.

Science does not remove the terror of the gods.

Science has made many advances, but none so far with women.

Science has yet to explain Isaac Asimov's sideburns.

Science help build better mousetraps, but nature builds better mice.

Science proves Windows isn't a virus (a virus accomplishes something).

Scientific name for democrats: Taxandspendus liberalus.

Scooby.. Dooby.. Doo.. Where are you?

Scotty beam me up! There's no intelligent life down here.

Scotty is smoking the dilithium crystals again, Jim.

Scotty of Borg: "The laws of physics are irrelevant, Cap'n."

Scotty talking into mouse: Hello, Computer... --ST IV, The Voyage Home.

Scotty! Beam me u...*@$!%^@ NO CARRIER.

Scotty! Beam me up. There is no reality here...

Scotty, I need fifth gear NOW or we're all dead!

Scotty, I need shields! Aye sir, panty or dress?

Scotty, I said BEAM ME ABOARD not BEAM ME A FORD!

Scotty, beam Mr. Clinton and Mr. Gore to the brig.

Scotty, beam us aboard! ... 'Aye sir will a 2x4 do?

Scotty, how much longer until we can shift into Unix?

Scotty, now would be a good time. --Chekov, ST IV.

Scotty, transport all Democrats to the null quadrant.

Scotty, we have a "situation" here. Beam down Ensign Expendable.

Scream without raising your voice... --U2.

Screaming kids are mandatory on all US airlines.

Screams from the bluebells can't make them go away.

Screw the Borg! Give 'em Windows NT!

Screw the Prime Directive! Give the Borg Windows 95!

Screw the Prime Directive! Inflict Windows 95 on the Borg!

Screw the Prime Directive! Mr. Worf, upload Windows 95 to the Borg!

Screw the Prime Directive! Send the Borg Windows.

Scribline: The signature box on the back of credit cards.

Script: ImpLode, UpLode, DownLode, ExpLode!

Scroll. scroll, scroll your screen... gently 'round the Net....

Scully, have you ever heard of a species called the Trill? --Mulder.

Scully: A brain-sucking amoeba.

Scully: Mulder, you weren't at Woodstock.

Scumies: Socially Conscious Unless Money's Involved.

Seat belt laws interfere with natural selection.

Second Star on the Right and on 'til Morning!! --Kirk.

Secrecy and a free, democratic government don't mix. --Harry Truman.

Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny. --Heinlein.

Secret Service protection for a 13c cat. Thanks Bill!

Secret agent Tribble: **7

Secret mission? What plans? What are you talking about? --C3PO.

Secret of Electronics: keep the smoke _in_ the wires.

Sector not found: (A)bort (R)etry (C)ontact Starfleet?

Sector not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)ell the boss it was a virus.

Sector not found: did you look under the sofa?

Security to the bridge! Commander Data is being formatted!

See Spot run... See Spot play with phaser... See Spot die ;-).

Seeing is believing, Touching is convincing.

Seek revenge... Shit on a pigeon.

Seems like deja vu all over again.

Seems like everyone you try to save ends up dead.

Seen God? Sure, I sat between Her and Bigfoot on the UFO.

Seen on a hacker's tombstone: CONNECT 1964 - NO CARRIER 1994.

Seen on a placard: "Refuse to Work, Want Food Anyway."

Seeya at the Newbie Death Flaming Competition!

Segmentation fault. Brain dumped.

Seinfeld of Borg: D'juh ever notice resistance is futile?

Select Protocol: (Z)modem (Y)modem (X)modem (C)3-PO

Selectively slutty...

Self Help Workshop: Money Can Make You Rich.

Self destruct button: Don't push unless you really, REALLY mean it!

Self destruct out of order. Please try again later.

Self made men have one common problem: they worship their maker.

Self-Unemployed.

Self-destruct order cannot be cancelled... Have a nice day!

Sellebrities: Stars who triple their income by endorsing stuff.

Semiconductor: A part-time orchestra leader.

Seminar for Men: How to ask for Directions.

Seminar for Men: You, Too, Can Be A Designated Driver.

Seminar for Women: Get A Life... Learn To Kill Spiders Yourself!

Seminar for Women: Understanding The Female Causes Of Male Drunkeness

Seminars for Women: How to say what you mean with using allusions.

Seminars, n.: From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.

Semipossible, v.: Having sex during a bungee jump.

Semper Fidelis.

Send $20 and I will double your IQ or no money back.

Send Barney to Iraq in a T-shirt that says "Shalom Y'all".

Send MORE Missionaries... the last ones were DELICIOUS! --Taliban.

Send a self-abused stomped elephant to him.

Send a thief to catch a thief.

Send five dollars for our FREE brochure!

Send lawyers, guns and money, the shit has hit the fan!

Send me $19.95 for a registered, working copy of this Tagline.

Send me a dollar and I'll send 3 cents to your charity.

Send me your tired, your poor... Oh! And a side of fries.

Send the Borg a copy of Windows. That'll REALLY slow 'em down!

Send the Custodians back to Custodia where they belong!

Send your spare mice to SOCKS@WHITEHOUSE.GOV

Sending back packets, but the checksums are wrong.

Senility: Been there, done that, forgot where I put the t-shirt.

Sensors indicate 1,564 Romulan Warbirds decloaking.

Sensors indicate an approaching FLAME front, sir!!!

Separate two eggs? Why? Were they fighting?

Serendipity: Getting Windows NT to boot on the first try.

Sergeant FORMAT vs. General Failure: The battle is on!

Serial killer strikes! Mouse and modem found dead.

Serial number? We don't need no stinkin' serial number!

Serpents are just sexy creatures with a bad biblical reputation.

Serve The Computer!

Service with a smile. Flirt with a grin.

Service with a snarl.

Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.

Serving the scum of Paris for over 300 years.

Seshat, Mistress of the House of Books.

Seska: Traitorous mycophile or dead porn star?

Session complete. Neural links terminated. Have a nice day.

Set DEVICE=EXXON to screw up your environment.

Set laser printers to "stun".

Set phasers on "Scramble" and fire at the phone company.

Set phasers on 'Discuss Reasonably'. --Picard

Set phasers on tickle! The new non-violent Star Trek.

Set phasers on... torture!

Set phasers to "Major Software Revision."

Set phasers to 'humiliate', Mr. Worf.

Set phasers to extreme itching!

Set the channel changer to "STUN", Scotty.

Sevareid's Law: The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Seven-course meal for a man... a hot dog and a six-pack.

Sex ain't dirty unless you're doin' it right.

Sex and Drugs and Rock and Role-Playing!

Sex discriminates against the shy and ugly.

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

Sex is Evil, Evil is sin, Sins are Forgiven, So Sex is In!

Sex is a difficult subject. When it isn't hard, it's impossible.

Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.

Sex is all right, but not as good as The Real Thing.

Sex is an emotion in motion...

Sex is like a Bank. Once you withdraw, you lose interest! :-)

Sex is like an obscure joke, some get it, some don't.

Sex is natural (unless you do it right).

Sex relieves tension, Love makes tension.

Sex! Lies! Drugs! Money! Power! Corruption! God, I love Congress!

Sexism from women is the most insidious form of sexism.

Sexist Me??? Hell no!!! Some of my best friends are Bimbos.

Shadow Warrior... More butt-kicking fun from Apogee!

Shadows fall behind when we walk toward The Light.

Shadows? --Sheridan. That's the only name we have for Them. --Delenn.

Shake your family tree and watch the nuts fall!

Shake, a man of note, wrote so many things to quote.

Shakespeare of Borg: Prepare to be, or not to be, assimilated...

Shakespeare: 2b or not 2b; Kant: 2b is 2 do; Sinatra: dobedobedo

Shall I, wasting in despair, Die because a woman's fair?

Shall we play a game? --WOPR

Shame on you!!! for what you're thinking Jean Luc... --Lwuxana Troy

Shapely Betazoids feel sensations in crowded turbolifts.

Shareware? Reminds me of a girl at my high school....

Sharks don't eat lawyers out of professional courtesy.

Sharon Stone of Borg: Clothing is irrelevant!

Sharon Stone... a piece of rock that could make me a flintstone...

Sharp thinking usually comes in handy more often than sharp shooting.

Shatner, when the wig fell, his arms covering, his face red.

She *does* have her moods. --Hades on Demeter

She Got the Gold Mine, I got the Shaft.

She Got the Kids and the money. I got a Head Ache.

She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart.

She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart.

She blinded me with science!

She brings ice when I bring fire.

She can choose to abort [child] or to sue for support.

She can go from zero to bitch in 2.1 seconds.

She changes everything She touches and touches everything She changes!

She couldn't cook, but she knew how to bring men to the boil.

She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

She criticized my apartment, so I knocked her flat.

She devotes her spare time to neglecting duties.

She did it! (Adam to God)

She doesn't have PMS, she really IS a bitch!

She dreams he'll come home from work and carry her away...

She gave so much that only love remains.

She has PMS & ESP. Now she's a bitch that knows everything.

She has sex, she has options; he has sex, he risks prison for life.

She has the blood of a Reptile just underneath the skin.

She has the blood of reptile just underneath her skin.

She has wonderful muscles. --Chekov.

She is blonde, tall, beautiful, and has a Z80 for a brain.

She is descended from a line that her mother listened to.

She is not: a Bleached Blonde. She is: Peroxide Dependent.

She knows how to drive a man right back to being a child.

She leaves a trail of honey to show me where she's been.

She liked him; he was a man of many qualities, even if most of them were bad.

She meant 'walk' the dog, not 'wok' the dog.

She milks butterflies.

She never stood up for the Star Spangled Banner...

She offered her honor. He honored her offer!

She offered me a tete-a-tete, but I wasn't horny...

She only talks to me when the battery is dead.

She poured sugar in the gastank of my heart!

She pulled the wheelchair to the edge of the shore... --Hendrix

She rides on stormy seas and does not sink.

She said "Have a nice day", but I had other plans...

She said "You get three wishes, what are the other two?"

She said I didn't listen to her, or something like that.

She said she hasn't had a bite in two days. So I bit her!

She said she would not eat snails because she preferred fast food.

She says hello, you fool, I love you... --Roxette.

She screams in silence, a sullen riot penetrating through her mind.

She sells C shells by the C shore!

She spreads herself wide open to let the insects in.

She steals the sun and shuts out the light. --U2

She thought a penal colony was an all male nudist camp.

She tore my valentine in two, Tom said halfheartedly.

She used to be a schoolteacher but she has no class now.

She used to have an hour glass figure, but now time hangs heavy.

She used to tie her hair up in ribbons and bows...

She walks into Smokey's one hip at a time...

She wanted a fur coat so he got her a trap and a gun.

She wants to see you again, twisting on a string.

She was a round hole. I was a square peg.

She was an earthly woman, so I treated her like dirt.

She was only a telegrapher's daughter, but she DI DIT DI DIT DI DIT.

She was only the bank manager's daughter, but she let me make a deposit.

She was pure and innocent, at least for appearance's sake.

She was so dumb that she had to stand on a chair to raise her IQ!

She was so hungry for knowledge she ate a professor.

She was so ugly, I wouldn't even let her sit on your face.

She wasn't a John Wayne fan...

She won't last forever, so why give her a diamond?

She would love you anyway, why won't you ask her?

She'd slap you silly if you didn't like Willie.

She'll have Fun, Fun, Fun till her daddy takes her Spitfire away...

She'll have fun, fun, fun, 'til her daddy takes her charge card away.

She's Dead Will, but you still need to use a condom!

She's a Honky Tonk woman.

She's a Kitten With A Whip and it hurts so good...

She's a _natural_ Blonde, Please Speak slowly.

She's a bass. --Spaceballs.

She's a great housekeeper. She gets divorced. She keeps the house.

She's an American girl...

She's an old maid, cause her father didn't have a shotgun.

She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got HUGE... tracts of land.

She's been cheated on one too many times.

She's bisexual, but, alas, not with me.

She's cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

She's got a mortgage on my body and a lease upon my soul.

She's not a bleached blonde, she's chemically enhanced!

She's not blonde she's naturally stupid...

She's not really fanning herself, she's refueling!

She's not the cheating kind...

She's nuttier than a squirrel's breakfast.

She's prepped, primed, loaded, locked... and ready to kick some ass.

She's romantic unless you fart or something...

She's short a few [credit] cards.

She's the healthiest being of her species I have ever seen.

She's too old for teddy bears and too young for wolves.

She's too young for Medicare and too old for men to care.

She's trying to make it in her daddy's world...

She's trying to put my body in her brain... --Hendrix

She's turning me into someone else.

She: "Love is peace and tranquility." He: "Nope, that's sleep."

She: Excuse me, do you have the time? He: Do you have the energy?

Sheesh! They're in a time warp... still using Windows!

Sheila's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

Sherlock Holmes of Borg: Elementary dear Watson, you will be assimilated.

Sherlock Holmes: "You see, but you do not observe."

Sherman, set the Wayback machine for Sodom and Gomorrah!

Shields down! Green alert!

Shirley MacLaine: Death's a bitch, and then you live again.

Shirley's Law: Most people deserve each other.

Shit Happens.

Shit! I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted! --Lord Helmet, Spaceballs.

Shit, we're dead!

Shock absorbers on atom bombs.

Shock me, say something intelligent!

Shoot at Will... ZZZAPPP! Thank you Data, I mean, Number One. --Picard

Shoot first and whatever you hit, call it the target.

Shoot from the hip; aim for the groin.

Shooting tourists out of season is a no-no!

Shop today for tomorrow they may cancel your credit card.

Shoplifter: Cost-of-living adjustment specialist.

Shopping on the Internet without a credit card..*&^%$#@*NO CARRIER

Short cut... the longest distance between two points.

Short description of a USR modem: You install it and forget about it! :)

Short guys, tall women in miniskirts. What a combination!

Short-circuited between the earphones.

Shortage of men? I don't care how short, just isn't enough of'em!

Shorter of breath and one day closer to death... --Pink Floyd.

Shots. It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole.

Should I consider this to be OFFICIAL flirting?

Should I eat at a restaurant called "The Fu King Palace"?

Should I ever respond or talk to her lawyer?

Should a virgin be called a notyeterosexual?

Should another universe emerge, this product cannot be guaranteed.

Should be available in many large libraries.

Should people who live in stone houses throw glass?

Shouldn't "misandrist" be spelled "MSandrist?"

Shouldn't Siamese cats come in pairs?

Shouldn't a self-addressed envelope be addressed "Envelope"?

Shouldn't it be men who ride side-saddle?

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for monosyllabic?

Shove your Political Correctness up your calorically challenged *ss.

Show affection, it may result in a pleasant response.

Show confidence, computers sense fear or uncertainty.

Show me a tax-collector and I'll show you a dead man.

Show me a vampire with a tan and I'll show you a painter!

Shut Up and Kiss Me!

Shut him up or shut him down!

Sick Reptile: An illigator.

Sick pay is a form of ill-gotten gains.

Sierra Online's Solitaire. Major Windows competitor.

Sifting through the ashes still trying to find a flame.

Sigmund's wife wore Freudian slips.

Sign at the edge of the Universe: Staff only, beyond this point.

Sign in Cuba: Yankee Go Home... And Take Me With You!

Sign in a travel agency: 'Go Away.'

Sign in an office: 'Frogs are smart--they eat what bugs them.'

Sign in bar: If you're drinking to forget, please pay in advance.

Sign in window riddled with bullet holes: Bagpipe for sale cheap.

Sign of Intel stupidity: NOP = XCHG AX,AX = 90H.

Sign on ZIP file: CAUTION! Contents under pressure!

Sign on a condom machine: "For refund insert baby here"

Sign on an Electrician's truck: LET US REMOVE YOUR SHORTS.

Sign on bank: We can loan you enough money to get you completely out of debt.

Sign on front lawn: "Free Dog Sh*t... U-Pick!"

Sign on the road: MEN SHOULD BE WORKING!

Sign seen in bathroom: "We aim to please; you aim too, please!"

Silence is not only golden; it's often misquoted.

Silence your dog, Captain! --Tomallak.

Silk was invented so that women could go naked in clothes

Silly game: One at which your wife can beat you.

Silmarillion: Worst book by a dead man.

Silverman's Law: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.

Simon's Law: Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.

Simple enough for a weenie; enough power for a nerd!

Simplified Crime Bill: It's illegal to be a criminal.

Simply saying I believe in you can make someone's day.

Simulation hackers do it with models.

Simulators DO IT continuously _and_ discretely.

Sin Now, Pray Later!

Sinatra of Borg: Strangers in the night, assimilated, futile at first.

Since 1976 reinstatement of death penalty, 120 men, 1 woman executed.

Since I gave up hope, I feel much better.

Since I've used up all my sick time, I'm calling in dead (Jim).

Since cows have HORNS, why do they MOO rather than HONK?

Since over 70% of Congress is Lawyers I can see why they have no ethics.

Since she won't live forever, why give her a diamond?

Since this is a free country, there will be no charge for my opinion.

Since vegetarians eat vegetables, beware of humanitarians

Since we all move so slow, why is it called rush hour?

Since when is "Public Safety" the root password to the Constitution?

Since when is similarity required for the exercise of compassion? --Delenn

Since when is the IRS a service?

Since you found me, you're teaching me what real love is!

Sinclair My God, man. We've become a tourist attraction. --Londo

Single deaths are tragedies, millions are statistics.

Single women know more about men; if they didn't, they'd be married.

Sinners who post off topic messages... on the next Geraldo

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

Sir Lancelot, you have chain mail in Knight's Conference.

Sir or Madam, this is a private unit.

Sir! Romulan Warbird decloaking*2O~:%^@&* NO CARRIER

Sir! Warp core breach imminen- @#$@..#@ NO CARRIER

Sir!! Moderator decloakin.... !@#$%^&*** NO CARRIER

Sir, Deck Fourteen reports that the toilet's blocked.

Sir, I MUST protest! I am *NOT* a merry man! --Worf

Sir, I sense NOTHING! The TVs have been turned off! --Deanna.

Sir, I would rather have my problem than yours.

Sir, I'm having trouble with the radar sir. --Spaceballs.

Sir, am I to understand that you sell dead, fried birds here?

Sir, have you ever served with any Bajoran women? --O'Brien.

Sir, not in front of the Klingons...

Sir, the Auto-tailor is not working. --Data. Make it sew! --Picard.

Sir, the USS Tagline has warp capability and is 70 characters in size!

Sir, why do these DO NOT ENTER signs glow in the dark?

Sister's make great best friends.

Sit In: When you sit down to stand up for your rights.

Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me...

Sit, Ubu, sit! Good dog. *woof*

Sit. Be miserable.

Situation normal. Panic accordingly.

Six bottles of beer. And quickly please, the world's about to end...

Skeleton at CRT: He died waiting on Windows.

Skeleton... The human body in wireframe mode.

Skinheads don't shave... The vacuum makes the hair grow inwards

Skunk... the world would never be the same... if only for the smell!

Slam, Bang, Crash. I love fine tuning programs.

Slartibartfast had hoped for an easy retirement.

Slave screams, thinks he has something to say. --Kirsten.

Slaves: give them an inch and they want a Ruler.

Slaying foul maidens and rescuing fair dragons!

Sleep All Day. Party All Night. Live Forever. Its Fun to be A Vampire.

Sleep faster. We need the pillows. --Yiddish Proverb.

Sleep warm, love well, and carry a big stick.

Sleep: that fleeting moment just before the alarm rings.

Sleep? I'll get all the sleep I need when I'm dead.

Sleeping Aloud is not Allowed in this library!

Sleeping at the wheel is a good way to keep from growing old.

Sleeping through your execution is treason and is punishable by death.

Slept like a baby! Woke up every 4 hours, hungry and wet....

Sleudian Frip.

Slitting your throat on the cutting edge of technology.

Slow as molasses in January.

Slow the aging process. Put it through Congress.

Slowly and surely the Unix crept up on the Nintendo user...

Slut: Someone who gets more sex than you do.

Small minds ask small questions.

Small problems seem insurmountable to small minds.

Small talk between cats: "Shred any good books lately?"

Small town sign: "Speed Limit 15 MPH: Our kids can't run any faster."

Smell The Roses And Eventually You'll Inhale A Bee.

Smile at a Klingon and suffer the consequences.

Smile at women: If they're pretty, you'll feel good; if not, they will!

Smile at your slave, the slut will wonder what you are going to do.

Smile, things could get worse. And they will.

Smile. It confuses people!

Smiley: the 'Geordie' |-)

Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface!

Smith's Law: No real problem has a solution.

Smoker's Cough --Nick O'Teen

Smoking is slow suicide.

Snakes don't have tails... snakes ARE tails.

Snow White was a hooker!

Snowbank: An Eskimo lending institution.

So I said to my boyfriend, Don't be a fool! We'll take the million!

So I used the Force... I picked up a box... I lifted some rocks...

So be it, Jedi... --Emperor.

So be it, Jedi... --Emperor.

So how come _viruses_ don't make ya read docs?

So little time, so many messages.

So lock on to my signal and BEAM DOWN NOW!

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

So many Fundamentalists, so few lions...

So many Nymphs, so little time.

So many lawyers, so few bullets.

So many versions, so little money...

So much to grok, so little thyme to flavor it.

So much work, so little time; lets go get a drink...

So politicians are undead? Somehow that doesn't surprise me.

So round. So firm. So fully packed...

So simple a child could do it? Go find me a child!

So simple, a Child could do it. Children sold seperately.

So stupid, mind readers charge her half price.

So tell me, what color is the sky on your planet?

So tender you can cut *it* with a fork. --Lorena Bobbitt

So the Nun say's 10 bucks, same as in town.

So the Zen monk says to the hotdog vendor: "Make me One with everything."

So the plural of house is hice?

So what if apathy will be the downfall of mankind...

So when are they going to invent cordless bungee jumping?

So who is the is Vader guy, and why is he mad at *me*..?

So why does Heidi Fleiss have you 9 times in her book?

So wizards cast your spell, with no heart to do me well...

So you consider yourself an airplane? Now, where's my box of stingers...

So you don't think women are explosive? Drop one!

So you fall in love and it picks you up.

So you feel you're being symbolically cast in a bad light. --Ivanova.

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts.

So young, so bad, so what! --Wendy O. Williams

So your mother's got herself a boyfriend. --Iolus to Hercules

So, just what part of NO don't you understand?

So, you'd like to register a complaint? Its name please.

So, you've discovered God; is it anyone I know?

Soap Opera Truth: Babies age five times as fast as their parents.

Soap Opera Truth: No "perfect relationship" will ever last.

Soap Opera Truth: Small towns always have hospitals and colleges.

Soar with the Eagles, and the only way to go is down.

Sob sister: Sits on your knees, bawls, and makes it hard for you.

Sobriety Checkpoint ahead: unloading driver.

Social Insecurity: Wilma Moneylast

Social Security Administration? NONE OF THE THREE!

Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well being.

Social studies: History diluted in holy water.

Socialism fails when it runs out of other people's money.

Socialism: You have 2 cows. Government takes one for someone else.

Socialism: the politics of co-dependance and denial.

Society for Creative Anachronism.

Society prepares the crime; the criminal commits it.

Society punishes rebels; nature kills them.

Socks the Cat: An Independent in the White House!

Software Aria: The computer's boot-up noises.

Software Bugs? Exterminators 'R Us!

Software Independent: Won't work with ANY software.

Software containing loud .WAV files: BLAREWARE.

Software describing common everyday dangers: BEWARE-WARE.

Software developement means never having to say your finished.

Software engineer: One who engineers others into writing the code for him/her.

Software full of bugs: BLUNDERWARE.

Software never has bugs; just develops random features...

Software pirated under licence from the SPA.

Software update installed. Press your luck to continue.

Software, n.: Formal evening attire for female computer analysts.

Software: documentation's way of perpetuating itself.

Software: what you delete. Hardware: what you kick...

Soldier ants are mil(l)itANT combatANTs.

Soldiers think that a Dame is waiting for them in a Fox Hole.

Soldiers win battles and Generals get the credit.

Solution to juvenile crime: The Electric Highchair.

Solve your PC problems! Put SET BUGS=OFF in your AUTOEXEC.BAT

Some Discoveries are made by _not_ following instructions.

Some Do, Some Don't, Some Will and Some Won't.

Some Mondays are Mondayer than others.

Some Things Must be Believed Before They Can Be Seen!

Some Windows were made to be broken!

Some are afraid of heights, but I'm afraid of widths.

Some are born blonde, others have to dye first.

Some are happy with the stars. I want the sun.

Some are wise and some others are otherwise.

Some authors should be paid by the quantity NOT written.

Some books leave us free and some books make us free. --Franklin.

Some day, lad, all this will be yours! "What, the curtains, father?"

Some days I have to take 3 or 4 showers before the phone rings.

Some days Lady Luck turns and bites you on the butt.

Some days are diamonds... Some days are stones.

Some days it doesn't pay to chew through the leather straps.

Some days it takes effort to just keep up with the losers.

Some days it's better to stay in bed.

Some days the only good thing on TV is the sleeping cat.

Some days the smile just barely covers the pain.

Some days you lose, and some days you just don't win.

Some fairy tales begin: "If I am elected...."

Some folks wear earphones to keep their brains from leaking out.

Some girls scream at a mouse, but get in a car with a wolf.

Some grow with responsibility, others just swell.

Some lawyers are public prosecutors. Others are private persecutors.

Some men are alive simply because it's against the law to kill them.

Some men were born to lie, and women to believe them.

Some people call RAP music "creative", I call it "CRAP".

Some people call me a pain in the neck; others have a lower opinion.

Some people can't succeed at anything, even suicide.

Some people do first, think afterward, and then repent forever.

Some people drink at the fountain of knowledge, others gargle.

Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic.

Some people never appreciate what they have... until it's gone.

Some people risk to employ me. Some people live to destroy me.

Some people were born liberal. To others God gave brains!

Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand progress.

Some push the envelope to the edge. Others just lick it!

Some soldier ants are sergeANTs.

Some wars used less ammunition than a cease fire does now.

Some women pick men to divorce!

Some women pick men to marry, others pick them to pieces.

Someone pays. The Universe doesn't take credit cards.

Something is seriously wrong. Your brain is not on file. --Holodoc

Sometimes Fido eats the messages instead of delivering them.

Sometimes I miss you... then I reload.

Sometimes I wish I could ARJ my wife (instead, I SQZ her).

Sometimes I wish Life had a RESET button.

Sometimes when it's quiet, you can hear brain cells die.

Sometimes when women are divorced they treat vegetables like men.

Sometimes you have to piss back at the gods.

Sometimes you understand something perfectly and still want to kill it!

Sometimes you've gotta break the rules.

Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar. --Sigmund Freud

Song of the South, Sweet Potatoe & shut my mouth.

Sooner or later everyone comes to Babylon 5. --Sinclair.

Sorry I'm late; there was a pile-up on the information highway.

Sorry officer, but I was only doing 56kbps, REALLY!

Sorry sir, my karma just ran over your dogma.

Sorry teacher, the Borg assimilated both my dog and my homework!

Sorry! This virus requires Windows 95,98,2k,ME,CE,XP or NT!

Sorry, Dave, I can't let you do that! --HAL 9000

Sorry, I don't do Windows!

Sorry, I've been indulging in creative forgetting.

Sorry, Virgins 'R Us is closed due to lack of personnel.

Sorry, a fatal error has occurred. You're dead.

Sorry, but this tagline was inevitable.

Sorry, teacher! The cat ate my homework, then the dog ate the cat!

Sorry, the brain you have reached has been disconnected...

Sorry, the government isn't home right now. Please try later.

Sound Blaster? Who needs it, I've got a wife!!

Sound Of Silence: 0 dB.

Sound Of Very Silly Person Giggling Insanely...

Sound sincere even if you don't mean it.

Sounds dangerous... Let's DO IT!

Sounds like the God-damned Spanish Inquisition. --McCoy.

Sounds like you need a locator to locate the locator.

Southern California Waffles --Sandy Eggo

Southern ladies do not flaunt their elevated positions.

Southern-style: manners will get you where money won't.

Space ... the ... final ... tagline ... frontier ...

Space is an illusion, disk space doubly so.

Space people will contact us when they can make money by doing so...

Space, the final frontier... 0 bytes free.

SpaceBalls II: The search for more money. --Yogurt.

Spaceball One has now become... dum-dum-dum&... Mega Maid!

Spaceballs Prison Complex. Royal Prisoners Only.

Spaceballs the Toliet Paper.

Spaceballs: The Flamethrower. Kids love this one! --Yogurt.

Spaceflight. Pre-founding of Babylon 5 (Second Age of Mankind).

Spam: It's not just for breakfast any more.

Spam: The government definition of meat.

Spanish Borg: Tu eres irrelevento.

Spankings: They're not just for birthdays anymore!

Speak kind words, and you will hear wonderful echoes.

Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.

Speak softly and carry a Type II phaser!

Speak the truth, but leave immediately after.

Speed Costs Money. How Fast Can You Afford To Go?

Speed Kills. Use Microsoft Windows.

Speed Limit: 186,000 mps Strictly Enforced.

Speedy Gonzales of Borg: Prepare to be accelerated!

Spent most of my money on beer and women. The rest I wasted!

Spinach puts color in your cheeks. But who wants green cheeks?

Split hairs any finer and you'll end up with split ends.

Spock of Borg: That is illogi... uh, irrelevant, Jim.

Spock on Khan: His pattern indicates two dimensional thinking.

Spock on V'ger: I sense no emotion; only total logic.

Spock saying goodbye to a CRT: Live long and phosphor.

Spock's ears: The left, the right, and the final front ear.

Spock, be ONE with the horse!

Spork: The plastic combination spoon/fork you find in fast food places.

Sport Fisherman: spends $1000 on equipment to watch $20 worth of fish.

Spread the word, word for today is "legs".

Squirrel: Just a cute tree rat with a good PR agent.

St. Vidicon of Cathode, pray for us!

Stack Overflow, Brain Halted.

Stand back! I am a master of the ancient Ferrengi art of whining!

Standard orbit, Mr. Sulu. --Kirk

Standards are wonderful, there are so many to choose from.

Star Fleet security... The few, the proud, the horribly mangled.

Star Trek DS9: "Boldly hanging out Near the Wormhole..."

Star Trek IV: "So long, and thanks for all the fish."

Star Trek Voyager: What happen when you let a WOMAN drive!

Star Trek elevators are always there. Why can't ours be like that?

Starfleet Academy: "Ex Astra, Scienta."

Starfleet. It's not just a job, it's 96.7 credits a week.

Start a download. Get a beer. Multi-tasking!

Starvation of unrich children is not my concern. --Reagan

Stasis: The ultimate in 'Stay Fresh' technology.

State Dept. of Unnecessary Double Redundancies Dept.

State Farm? Guard dogs?

State of the art technology means you can't afford it.

State-of-the-art: What we could do with enough money.

Stating the opposite sometimes causes the desired response.

Stealing is illegal: The government hates the competition!

Step 1: Insert Windows into Linear Accelerator.

Step over this line and you die. Ok this line. Ok this line...

Stephen Whitis can levitate birds. No one cares.

Stepping-stone: a book that leads to more good books.

Sticks and stones can sure mess up a hard drive.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me!

Still alive and kicking... 'cept, life keeps kicking back!

Stock Market Axiom: The public is always wrong.

Stock Market: one person buys, one sells; both think they're smart.

Stolen for the very first time...

Stolen kisses are always sweetest.

Stomp out prosperity! Increase government spending!

Stop Talking while I'm interrupting.

Stop U.S. military involvement in North America NOW!

Stop and smell the roses along the way and you may get a nose full of thorns.

Stop animal experimentation. Use lawyers.

Stop being paranoid. They're just out to get us.

Stop discrimination, hate everyone equally.

Stop organized crime... Abolish the IRS!

Stop organized crime: arrest an IRS agent!

Stop searching forever, happiness is unattainable.

Stop searching forever. Your editor's buffer is circular.

Stop that ship! They didn't pay the Wormhole toll!!

Stop the insanity... just say NO to Micro$oft!

Stop violent crime! Make MURDER illegal!

Stop, or I shall say stop again!

Stoppenzefloppen: German word for bra.

Storm Troopers couldn't hit the broad side of the Death Star!

Stress, n: What you get from running Windows.

Students may like nitrates, they're cheaper than day rates.

Studies also show that humans disintegrate when struck with a nuke.

Studies have found that thinking causes incorrect thinking.

Studies show that 100% of all divorced people have been married.

Studies show that the average person has one testicle and one breast.

Stunt Tribble --->------===== o*o / OOOOOOOOOO \.

Stupid: Being unable to find your own butt in the dark.

Stupidity is NOT a handicap. Park elsewhere!

Sturgeon's Law: 95% of everything is crap.

Sub-Woofer: Canine in an underwater vessel...

Subject to change without notice.

Subtle is the dragon who so quietly bites thou in the midst of plenty.

Subversive intellectual, may be under government surveillance.

Subvert The Dominant Paradigm, Use Linux.

Subway talk: 'ho-de-dow' = Hold the Door!

Success comes from the threat of failure.

Success has a thousand editors; failure is self-published.

Success is a CHOICE, not a privilidge!

Success is making it to the top of the food chain!

Success is more than knowing how. It's knowing when.

Success is the result of a string of failures.

Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring.

Such a deal, normally a dime a piece, for you 2 for a quarter.

Such torture is not for the faint at heart.

Suddenly, a temporal distortion appeared and...

Suddenly, nothing happened. Usual Windoze response...

Suffering from Trek Burnout: What can I say? the phaser blew up.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake. Film at eleven.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Suicide is illegal, punishable by death.

Suicide is murder with an automatic death penalty.

Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

Suit your elf.

Sumo Wrestling: survival of the fattest.

Sun can't shine on the same dog's ass everyday. --Crow

Super Oxymoron: "Government worker."

Supercomputer: Turns CPU-bound problem into I/O-bound problem. --Ken Batcher

Supercomputer: What it was before you installed Windows(TM).

Superhighway Speed Trap Warning: "300 Baud Modem Ahead"

Superior firepower is invaluable when negotiations stall.

Superstition is like a magnet. It pulls you towards your belief.

Superteech vs. Wanda, the Wicked Whip Woman of West Wickham...

Supervisor: someone with half your ability and 3 times your salary.

Supply and Demand? The government demands and we supply!

Support Feminists! Even ugly, hairy women need love...

Support Free Trade... Smuggle!

Support Vaporware: Buy MS products with fake money.

Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have.

Support criminals... Vote Democrat!

Support the Constitution, not the government.

Support the Right to Arm Bears!

Support wildlife... throw a party!

Support your Search and Rescue teams: GET LOST!

Support your local hooker.

Support your local police for a more efficient police state.

Support your local police, Shoot a Judge!

Supress the poor, save the rich, kill the strange.

Sure I can extend your line of credit... --Lucifer

Sure I can help you out, which way did you come in?

Sure I like children, as long as their cooked properly!

Sure I like girls! I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

Sure I'm weird, but around here it's barely noticable.

Sure cure for a fast computer: M$-Windoze.

Sure my system is secure, it just locked up again.

Sure she's cute, but can she *type*?

Sure you could kick my ass... problem is gettin' me off it.

Sure, I know how to copy diskettes. Where's the Xerox?

Sure, I'd use a spell checker, but there aren't any witches around.

Sure, Windows is stable. I'm using it to~*]{@$>#$ NO CARRIER

Sure, everybody likes Windows! Bill Gates said so.

Sure, we just route the main sensor through Data's cat.

Surfer Golem: Like you totally knarly Baginses really miff me off.

Surgeons are doctors on the cutting edge.

Surgical nurses do it wearing a mask.

Surprise an old friend with a phone call.

Surrender! You wish to surrender to me? Fine, I accept.

Surrounded by insurmountable opportunities

Swapped out.

Swimming in the Arctic --I. C. Waters

Swing dead cat by the tail? More fun using live ones.

Swing it a little until you get married, then you can put it away.

Swinging on the branch of a broken family tree.

Swiss cheese has holes, but it's Limburger that needs the ventilation.

Switch to Satan and get 120 minutes of free long distance!

Switches Ok, Buttons Ok, Little Lights Ok... Ready to Take-Off!

Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon. --Epigrams in Programming

Syntax? Why not? Everything else is taxed.

Synthethic chiefs with frozen smiles...

System checkpoint complete.

System going down at 13:45 for scheduled head crash.

System going down at 5 pm to install scheduler bug.

System halted: Press any key to do nothing.

System halted: Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...

System maintenance about to begin.

System memory's fine. It's *mine* that's inaccessable.

System restarting, please wait.

System stopping for 2 minutes, 1 minute ago.

System's down.

Systems go down on their hackers.

shutdown -h -t NOW "Microsoft"